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Im trying to not think of Melanoma

Forums General Melanoma Community Im trying to not think of Melanoma

  • Post
    jolainajo
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,,,, I need some posativitiy in my life… Well, to tell you a little about myself, I am Stage IV diagnosed 1 yr ago. I have been through IL-2, didnt work, went to Maryland at NIH in June, went through everything that Kevin has described, and it spread to my brain. In Sept I had stereotactic done and now I see things, and I feel when its coming,, When I say see things, I see this round circle that beats with my heartbeat and is a rainbow. I have talked to my oncologist and they say its from the radiation I had gotten so I try to let it go.

    Hi Everyone,,,, I need some posativitiy in my life… Well, to tell you a little about myself, I am Stage IV diagnosed 1 yr ago. I have been through IL-2, didnt work, went to Maryland at NIH in June, went through everything that Kevin has described, and it spread to my brain. In Sept I had stereotactic done and now I see things, and I feel when its coming,, When I say see things, I see this round circle that beats with my heartbeat and is a rainbow. I have talked to my oncologist and they say its from the radiation I had gotten so I try to let it go. Now Im on Ipi and I go for my third infusion on Friday. I just found out on last Thursday that My Medicaid is now being closed and I will have no health insurance, well… they gave me a 500 a month spend down which means that I have to pay for the first 500 and then medicaid will pay, but this is all because I got disablility, at 1000 a month. Im frustrated. I was a Dental Hygenist making good money 2 yrs ago, now Im not working, and have all this stuff going on, and now… Christmas is here. Dont get me wrong… Im glad just to be here, but, Im depressed, Im sad, and I have these stupid tumors that are a constant realization that I have melanoma. Its getting hard to even sit because I have this one tumor on my leg that is HUGE>>>>  it hurts and I have to pretty much live on ibuprofin. I guess I come on this website to see that Im not alone, even though I feel like it, I know that you all are living with this monster too, and Im not going to give up so easily, I guess I need some support,  Im scared, and I think about how I dont want to go, and I think about my kids who are 15 and 11, and my husband, and it all makes me cry, and somedays I do cry, alot. But, I try to not think. I guess this is what it is… right…. well, if you have any words of encouragement I need it, or ways to help that you have done to get through this whole financial crap with insurance, or just to let me know you know. how it is… Please… well.. thank you.. Jolaina

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      MaryMary73
      Participant

      Jolaina,

      I know you are going through a HUGE range of emotions…rage, fear, frustration, depression, anxiety…all of which you have every right to feeling. All I can say is never give up and continue fighting this beast with everything you've got. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

      I don't live in the US (I'm in Canada) and I just do not understand how the US gov't allows its citizens to be burdened financially in their times of medical need. If only they would do something, anything, to alleviate the additional stress due to the financial hardship caused by the need for medical care. Anyone fighting cancer or heart disease or any other debilitating and potentially life threatening illness should be spared any extra worry caused by financial problems.

      I'm an adjuster in disability insurance. Basically, the insurance company I work for insures employees of other companies for long term disability (also know as income replacement). There is nothing more heartbreaking than having to deny a claim because the medical condition is pre-existing or because they didn't work enough hours or some other silly reason. I am glad that Canada has totally free healthcare for everyone. Whether you have tonsilitis or a broken toe or you need triple bypass surgery or a combination of chemotherapy followed by radiation therapy is needed, it's all free.

      Maria

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      MaryMary73
      Participant

      Jolaina,

      I know you are going through a HUGE range of emotions…rage, fear, frustration, depression, anxiety…all of which you have every right to feeling. All I can say is never give up and continue fighting this beast with everything you've got. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

      I don't live in the US (I'm in Canada) and I just do not understand how the US gov't allows its citizens to be burdened financially in their times of medical need. If only they would do something, anything, to alleviate the additional stress due to the financial hardship caused by the need for medical care. Anyone fighting cancer or heart disease or any other debilitating and potentially life threatening illness should be spared any extra worry caused by financial problems.

      I'm an adjuster in disability insurance. Basically, the insurance company I work for insures employees of other companies for long term disability (also know as income replacement). There is nothing more heartbreaking than having to deny a claim because the medical condition is pre-existing or because they didn't work enough hours or some other silly reason. I am glad that Canada has totally free healthcare for everyone. Whether you have tonsilitis or a broken toe or you need triple bypass surgery or a combination of chemotherapy followed by radiation therapy is needed, it's all free.

      Maria

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      glewis923
      Participant

      Dear Jolaina-  All I can say is I've felt all the emotions that you are dealing with.  The "good" thing is at least your being honest in how you feel.  It's natural – i think- and quite human, to be sad, mad, weepy, scared, depressed, and so on about our damned "stupid tumors".  Just know that you never were, never are, and never will be alone:  people and love will be with you always- because it sounds to me like you are an honest person who knows love.

       

      Sincerely, Grady & Family.

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      glewis923
      Participant

      Dear Jolaina-  All I can say is I've felt all the emotions that you are dealing with.  The "good" thing is at least your being honest in how you feel.  It's natural – i think- and quite human, to be sad, mad, weepy, scared, depressed, and so on about our damned "stupid tumors".  Just know that you never were, never are, and never will be alone:  people and love will be with you always- because it sounds to me like you are an honest person who knows love.

       

      Sincerely, Grady & Family.

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