› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Holiday blues
- This topic has 21 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 12 years ago by
john partrick michael murphy.
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- November 30, 2012 at 1:37 am
Since my stage IV diagnosis in February, I have managed to stay very positive. I've come back a long way from not feeling the right side of my body, to swimming laps, riding horses and babysitting grandbabies. But these holidays are HARD!!! The uncertainty of what my future in this battle holds really gets me down.
Since my stage IV diagnosis in February, I have managed to stay very positive. I've come back a long way from not feeling the right side of my body, to swimming laps, riding horses and babysitting grandbabies. But these holidays are HARD!!! The uncertainty of what my future in this battle holds really gets me down. I realize, and keep reminding myself, that nobody is guaranteed another day, but I also know my prognosis. It doesn't help that I watched as cancer took my Mom and my father-in-law. Most o the time I'm good, but a song triggers a memory, or my grandson's smile makes me think how bad I want to see him grow up, and I melt down for a few minutes before I can pull myself together.Are others feeling the same stress?
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- November 30, 2012 at 2:27 am
Yes, absolutely! It is hard to be brave for family all the time, so I am very relieved to have this place, where everyone else understands the stresses. This is my second visit with stage 4 cancer. The first time I wished and prayed to see my sons married and see my grandchildren. Well, I got my wish, made it through that crisis, and now I have a beautiful granddaughter. I want so to see her grow up, but I know that is not in the cards. Trying to remember to count my blessings, of which there are so many… -
- November 30, 2012 at 2:27 am
Yes, absolutely! It is hard to be brave for family all the time, so I am very relieved to have this place, where everyone else understands the stresses. This is my second visit with stage 4 cancer. The first time I wished and prayed to see my sons married and see my grandchildren. Well, I got my wish, made it through that crisis, and now I have a beautiful granddaughter. I want so to see her grow up, but I know that is not in the cards. Trying to remember to count my blessings, of which there are so many… -
- November 30, 2012 at 2:27 am
Yes, absolutely! It is hard to be brave for family all the time, so I am very relieved to have this place, where everyone else understands the stresses. This is my second visit with stage 4 cancer. The first time I wished and prayed to see my sons married and see my grandchildren. Well, I got my wish, made it through that crisis, and now I have a beautiful granddaughter. I want so to see her grow up, but I know that is not in the cards. Trying to remember to count my blessings, of which there are so many… -
- November 30, 2012 at 2:35 am
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down. Holidays are stressful enough without being sick. In fact, each and every day can be hard to deal with. If you have struggled since February with few breakdowns, you are doing a really good job.
Thank God you have been able to spend time with grandbabies. There is nothing better. Enjoy each and every moment you can share yourself with them. They will be very blessed with your time.
It sounds like your journey has been tough, but you have come so far. Someone recently suggested to me to start my day with writing down "Today I am thankful for…" and list on paper 3 things each day, before your day begins. I have been doing that, and some days it is hard to find what to write down, but when I do, I can say it has helped me get a boost in the morning.
I hope each day you will feel blessed and feel the comfort of a prayer from someone who cares. I will be saying that prayer. One moment at a time…and don't be too rough on yourself if you have that breakdown. It's ok and won't last forever. BethA 3/B
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- November 30, 2012 at 2:35 am
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down. Holidays are stressful enough without being sick. In fact, each and every day can be hard to deal with. If you have struggled since February with few breakdowns, you are doing a really good job.
Thank God you have been able to spend time with grandbabies. There is nothing better. Enjoy each and every moment you can share yourself with them. They will be very blessed with your time.
It sounds like your journey has been tough, but you have come so far. Someone recently suggested to me to start my day with writing down "Today I am thankful for…" and list on paper 3 things each day, before your day begins. I have been doing that, and some days it is hard to find what to write down, but when I do, I can say it has helped me get a boost in the morning.
I hope each day you will feel blessed and feel the comfort of a prayer from someone who cares. I will be saying that prayer. One moment at a time…and don't be too rough on yourself if you have that breakdown. It's ok and won't last forever. BethA 3/B
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- November 30, 2012 at 2:35 am
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down. Holidays are stressful enough without being sick. In fact, each and every day can be hard to deal with. If you have struggled since February with few breakdowns, you are doing a really good job.
Thank God you have been able to spend time with grandbabies. There is nothing better. Enjoy each and every moment you can share yourself with them. They will be very blessed with your time.
It sounds like your journey has been tough, but you have come so far. Someone recently suggested to me to start my day with writing down "Today I am thankful for…" and list on paper 3 things each day, before your day begins. I have been doing that, and some days it is hard to find what to write down, but when I do, I can say it has helped me get a boost in the morning.
I hope each day you will feel blessed and feel the comfort of a prayer from someone who cares. I will be saying that prayer. One moment at a time…and don't be too rough on yourself if you have that breakdown. It's ok and won't last forever. BethA 3/B
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- November 30, 2012 at 8:44 am
I can totally relate to how your feeling. I was just diagnosed stage 4 a couple weeks ago. I cried everyday for the first week. I cried today when my mother went to the doctor with me and she lost it! She told me that a mother shouldn't outlive her child. I completely lost it! It broke my heart, but like I told her, don't kill me before I die!! I'm still here and I'm not going to give up!! I refuse to live my life without any hope!
For my birthday my cousin gave me a plaque. It says:
Cancer Cannot, Cripple Love, Silence Courage, Destroy Friendship, Shatter Hope or Conquer the Spirit.
I have this plaque in a place that I read it everyday. This disease is horrible in so many ways but the mental BS I would say is probably the worst. It's ok to melt down! We all do it, but please lift your spirits, gather your courage, and remain hopeful!!
((((BIG HUGS)))))
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- November 30, 2012 at 8:44 am
I can totally relate to how your feeling. I was just diagnosed stage 4 a couple weeks ago. I cried everyday for the first week. I cried today when my mother went to the doctor with me and she lost it! She told me that a mother shouldn't outlive her child. I completely lost it! It broke my heart, but like I told her, don't kill me before I die!! I'm still here and I'm not going to give up!! I refuse to live my life without any hope!
For my birthday my cousin gave me a plaque. It says:
Cancer Cannot, Cripple Love, Silence Courage, Destroy Friendship, Shatter Hope or Conquer the Spirit.
I have this plaque in a place that I read it everyday. This disease is horrible in so many ways but the mental BS I would say is probably the worst. It's ok to melt down! We all do it, but please lift your spirits, gather your courage, and remain hopeful!!
((((BIG HUGS)))))
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- November 30, 2012 at 8:44 am
I can totally relate to how your feeling. I was just diagnosed stage 4 a couple weeks ago. I cried everyday for the first week. I cried today when my mother went to the doctor with me and she lost it! She told me that a mother shouldn't outlive her child. I completely lost it! It broke my heart, but like I told her, don't kill me before I die!! I'm still here and I'm not going to give up!! I refuse to live my life without any hope!
For my birthday my cousin gave me a plaque. It says:
Cancer Cannot, Cripple Love, Silence Courage, Destroy Friendship, Shatter Hope or Conquer the Spirit.
I have this plaque in a place that I read it everyday. This disease is horrible in so many ways but the mental BS I would say is probably the worst. It's ok to melt down! We all do it, but please lift your spirits, gather your courage, and remain hopeful!!
((((BIG HUGS)))))
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- November 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Holiday Blues – Yes, and I have lots of blues…2 years ago this morning my husband passed from Melanoma….It's non ending the sadness….but I try to be thankful for each and every day. Life is a gift from God…sometimes we do not realize it until we are faced with an illness or a death. And not only blue and sad and downright depressed, my Wedding Anniversary is next week on the on Dec 4th…would have been 45 years….I am thankful for the 42, nearly 43 we had. It was a good marriage…I have lots of memories in my heart, but life itself is a daily struggle, trying to figure out how to do everything alone..Lots of friends (married) retiring…I am still working….even if I retired, I would be alone? What's the reason to retire? I need a purpose to give up and live life, so work it will be……And I try to stay away from here, but it became such an important part of my life, I come back each day. I wish you all good things, and that you keep the beast as far away as you can. Let's have some Happy Holidays. I do have 4 beautiful grandchildren…just wished I lived closer to them….
Take Care,
Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER
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- November 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Holiday Blues – Yes, and I have lots of blues…2 years ago this morning my husband passed from Melanoma….It's non ending the sadness….but I try to be thankful for each and every day. Life is a gift from God…sometimes we do not realize it until we are faced with an illness or a death. And not only blue and sad and downright depressed, my Wedding Anniversary is next week on the on Dec 4th…would have been 45 years….I am thankful for the 42, nearly 43 we had. It was a good marriage…I have lots of memories in my heart, but life itself is a daily struggle, trying to figure out how to do everything alone..Lots of friends (married) retiring…I am still working….even if I retired, I would be alone? What's the reason to retire? I need a purpose to give up and live life, so work it will be……And I try to stay away from here, but it became such an important part of my life, I come back each day. I wish you all good things, and that you keep the beast as far away as you can. Let's have some Happy Holidays. I do have 4 beautiful grandchildren…just wished I lived closer to them….
Take Care,
Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER
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- November 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Holiday Blues – Yes, and I have lots of blues…2 years ago this morning my husband passed from Melanoma….It's non ending the sadness….but I try to be thankful for each and every day. Life is a gift from God…sometimes we do not realize it until we are faced with an illness or a death. And not only blue and sad and downright depressed, my Wedding Anniversary is next week on the on Dec 4th…would have been 45 years….I am thankful for the 42, nearly 43 we had. It was a good marriage…I have lots of memories in my heart, but life itself is a daily struggle, trying to figure out how to do everything alone..Lots of friends (married) retiring…I am still working….even if I retired, I would be alone? What's the reason to retire? I need a purpose to give up and live life, so work it will be……And I try to stay away from here, but it became such an important part of my life, I come back each day. I wish you all good things, and that you keep the beast as far away as you can. Let's have some Happy Holidays. I do have 4 beautiful grandchildren…just wished I lived closer to them….
Take Care,
Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER
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- November 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm
I am also feeling the same I guess it is blues/anxiety. Everyday I am thankful that I am still alive but with the same token I think about the fact of the disease I have and how long I will live with it. I was diagnosed Stage VI December 2010 and since then took Yervoy in July 2011 and other than two treatments of radiation to my head I have not been on any treatment. I do not have the Braf mutation so I do not qualify for a lot of the treatments and clinical trials that are available now.
I was only able to complete three Yervoy treatments when I developed severe colitis and had to be hospitalized for eight days. So I will not be able to take Yervoy again because of the bad side effect of Colitis. I think Yervoy would have been great to be able to take it again because I feel I had good results from the three treatments I was able to complete. The PD1 trial I guess is off limits to me too because of the bad side effect of colitis I had with Yervoy. I guess they are made up of the same cast.
I have been relatively well except for the fact that I have Stage VI melanoma. I have it in my bones and other areas but it has not got me down yet but I know I am living on borrowed time for feeling this good and living. I am getting a CT/Pet scan on Thursday because I recently discovered a rather large subcutaneous tumor on my left thigh. I have been pretty stable until this point. My doctor thinks I will have to begin some kind of conventional treatment now that up until now since I was feeling decent he didn't want to put me on until I had to because the success rate isn't that high and you end up feeling sick I guess for no reason.
I also have four young grandchildren and it depresses me greatly because I will not see them grow up and they are such a joy for me now. I guess I am angry too at myself because I think if I hadn't spent all of that time in the sun I would be a perfectly healthy person. I am 64 and was always very healthy until melanoma. I know I am not alone with these feelings but read ing comments on this board can help. Thanks for all the support everyone is to those in need.
Karen in Florida
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- November 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm
I am also feeling the same I guess it is blues/anxiety. Everyday I am thankful that I am still alive but with the same token I think about the fact of the disease I have and how long I will live with it. I was diagnosed Stage VI December 2010 and since then took Yervoy in July 2011 and other than two treatments of radiation to my head I have not been on any treatment. I do not have the Braf mutation so I do not qualify for a lot of the treatments and clinical trials that are available now.
I was only able to complete three Yervoy treatments when I developed severe colitis and had to be hospitalized for eight days. So I will not be able to take Yervoy again because of the bad side effect of Colitis. I think Yervoy would have been great to be able to take it again because I feel I had good results from the three treatments I was able to complete. The PD1 trial I guess is off limits to me too because of the bad side effect of colitis I had with Yervoy. I guess they are made up of the same cast.
I have been relatively well except for the fact that I have Stage VI melanoma. I have it in my bones and other areas but it has not got me down yet but I know I am living on borrowed time for feeling this good and living. I am getting a CT/Pet scan on Thursday because I recently discovered a rather large subcutaneous tumor on my left thigh. I have been pretty stable until this point. My doctor thinks I will have to begin some kind of conventional treatment now that up until now since I was feeling decent he didn't want to put me on until I had to because the success rate isn't that high and you end up feeling sick I guess for no reason.
I also have four young grandchildren and it depresses me greatly because I will not see them grow up and they are such a joy for me now. I guess I am angry too at myself because I think if I hadn't spent all of that time in the sun I would be a perfectly healthy person. I am 64 and was always very healthy until melanoma. I know I am not alone with these feelings but read ing comments on this board can help. Thanks for all the support everyone is to those in need.
Karen in Florida
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- November 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm
I am also feeling the same I guess it is blues/anxiety. Everyday I am thankful that I am still alive but with the same token I think about the fact of the disease I have and how long I will live with it. I was diagnosed Stage VI December 2010 and since then took Yervoy in July 2011 and other than two treatments of radiation to my head I have not been on any treatment. I do not have the Braf mutation so I do not qualify for a lot of the treatments and clinical trials that are available now.
I was only able to complete three Yervoy treatments when I developed severe colitis and had to be hospitalized for eight days. So I will not be able to take Yervoy again because of the bad side effect of Colitis. I think Yervoy would have been great to be able to take it again because I feel I had good results from the three treatments I was able to complete. The PD1 trial I guess is off limits to me too because of the bad side effect of colitis I had with Yervoy. I guess they are made up of the same cast.
I have been relatively well except for the fact that I have Stage VI melanoma. I have it in my bones and other areas but it has not got me down yet but I know I am living on borrowed time for feeling this good and living. I am getting a CT/Pet scan on Thursday because I recently discovered a rather large subcutaneous tumor on my left thigh. I have been pretty stable until this point. My doctor thinks I will have to begin some kind of conventional treatment now that up until now since I was feeling decent he didn't want to put me on until I had to because the success rate isn't that high and you end up feeling sick I guess for no reason.
I also have four young grandchildren and it depresses me greatly because I will not see them grow up and they are such a joy for me now. I guess I am angry too at myself because I think if I hadn't spent all of that time in the sun I would be a perfectly healthy person. I am 64 and was always very healthy until melanoma. I know I am not alone with these feelings but read ing comments on this board can help. Thanks for all the support everyone is to those in need.
Karen in Florida
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- December 2, 2012 at 2:28 pm
My German grandmother, Antonia, used to say, “Ya, the devil walks on stilts during the holidays, so he can see better to make more troubles for us.” In never liked any of the holidays as they were so stressful when I was a child. We need a holiday like Fashing where they whoop it up for a week or so, and bury bad humor for another year.In the fall of 2010 when it was found that I harbored fourth stage Mel, I thought I would not make it to Xmas, but it was radiation sickness that I was feeling, and not my cancer. It was the one Xmas I was looking forward to. It came and went, then another, and now the third is almost here. I have learned from this not to project. Once I made it through Xmas of 2010, I was convinced I would never see the hummingbirds come back to Colorado in the Spring. They came back, left again, came back, left again, and now I await them next April. The difference is I believe I will see them.
My faith is in science, and my hope is within myself. I am astonished with the progress our totally dedicated doctors are making, and I am proud to be part of it in a human trial. I used to think I would have to be my own savior in this life, but it is absurd. I would have been
underground for almost two years by now without GSK, my doctors,
and the love of my family. -
- December 2, 2012 at 2:28 pm
My German grandmother, Antonia, used to say, “Ya, the devil walks on stilts during the holidays, so he can see better to make more troubles for us.” In never liked any of the holidays as they were so stressful when I was a child. We need a holiday like Fashing where they whoop it up for a week or so, and bury bad humor for another year.In the fall of 2010 when it was found that I harbored fourth stage Mel, I thought I would not make it to Xmas, but it was radiation sickness that I was feeling, and not my cancer. It was the one Xmas I was looking forward to. It came and went, then another, and now the third is almost here. I have learned from this not to project. Once I made it through Xmas of 2010, I was convinced I would never see the hummingbirds come back to Colorado in the Spring. They came back, left again, came back, left again, and now I await them next April. The difference is I believe I will see them.
My faith is in science, and my hope is within myself. I am astonished with the progress our totally dedicated doctors are making, and I am proud to be part of it in a human trial. I used to think I would have to be my own savior in this life, but it is absurd. I would have been
underground for almost two years by now without GSK, my doctors,
and the love of my family. -
- December 2, 2012 at 2:28 pm
My German grandmother, Antonia, used to say, “Ya, the devil walks on stilts during the holidays, so he can see better to make more troubles for us.” In never liked any of the holidays as they were so stressful when I was a child. We need a holiday like Fashing where they whoop it up for a week or so, and bury bad humor for another year.In the fall of 2010 when it was found that I harbored fourth stage Mel, I thought I would not make it to Xmas, but it was radiation sickness that I was feeling, and not my cancer. It was the one Xmas I was looking forward to. It came and went, then another, and now the third is almost here. I have learned from this not to project. Once I made it through Xmas of 2010, I was convinced I would never see the hummingbirds come back to Colorado in the Spring. They came back, left again, came back, left again, and now I await them next April. The difference is I believe I will see them.
My faith is in science, and my hope is within myself. I am astonished with the progress our totally dedicated doctors are making, and I am proud to be part of it in a human trial. I used to think I would have to be my own savior in this life, but it is absurd. I would have been
underground for almost two years by now without GSK, my doctors,
and the love of my family.
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