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Feeling down…..

Forums General Melanoma Community Feeling down…..

  • Post
    BarbieGirl
    Participant

      This is the first year I haven't posted about Glenda's death (Oct. 30, 2006) or Lesley's (Nov. 9, 2004) or sooo many more—–I just couldn't put myself thru it this year.  Doesn't mean I've forgotten them—that'll NEVER happen—just that I didn't have the energy or heart to post a happy memorial tribute.  I'm PISSED and ANGRY they were taken from us–ALL the warriors we've lost.

      This is the first year I haven't posted about Glenda's death (Oct. 30, 2006) or Lesley's (Nov. 9, 2004) or sooo many more—–I just couldn't put myself thru it this year.  Doesn't mean I've forgotten them—that'll NEVER happen—just that I didn't have the energy or heart to post a happy memorial tribute.  I'm PISSED and ANGRY they were taken from us–ALL the warriors we've lost.

      I was messing around with Windows Movie Maker (so I can put my song "Wings of Hope" on youtube) the other day—-can't put the song up without pictures or video, so I started posting pix for a slideshow of "Faces of Melanoma"—-those we've lost over the last 11 years I've been here.  I couldn't finish it—the more angel warriors I thought of, the more I cried, then I'd think of a dozen more.   I'd post their pix, cry some more, then think of 3 dozen more.  I just finally had to quit, went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

      I remember like it was yesterday when Joe Tuso died.  I'd only been on the boards a short while, and when melanoma took his life, I cried like a baby for DAYS!!  It was difficult to explain to my hubby, kids, mom, friends, etc. why I was crying over somebody I'd never met!  Hell, it was difficult to explain to myself!  Joe was always sooo upbeat when he posted, and then when his daughters posted he had passed, and HOW he passed (they were singing hymns in his room and he was happy and surrounded by family!), I just totally lost it.  I've talked to his daughters a few times and let them know how much their dad meant to me.  And Joe was just the first of WAY TOO MANY that I came to love and care about, many who I eventually met in person.  I've always said if there's anything that is good about melanoma, it's the people I've been blessed enough to meet in real life and online–everybody (well, all but a couple) feels like family, and it hurts so much when a family member is lost!

      I read DT's reply to Mr. SOPOS Bill who's in Hawaii.  They're brothers, whether they like it or not, and I DO believe they love it!  THAT made me cry!

      I think a lot of it has to do with my upcoming scans (which hopefully will show I'm 11 years NED).  The longer I go NED, the more "nervous" I get!!  Doesn't make any sense, really, other than I've known many here who went 14-15 years, and the beast came back with a vengeance.  I've explained this to my onc, and she knows what I'm feeling—like I've been a lucky ducky but that "that" day WILL come when the scans aren't good.  Isn't that crazy?  Shouldn't I be jumping up and down for joy that I've made 11 years, when my stats said I only had a 60% chance of surviving 5???   Don't get me wrong, I'm REALLY HAPPY and filled with thanksgiving that I'm still here.  Just feels like the longer I go, the 'closer' I am to recurrence!  I KNOW, I KNOW….my mind shouldn't go there, especially since I'm "only" Stage 2-B.  (Worse stats than Stage 3-A.)

      It's prolly all the stress of the girls in school and my mom in rehab (she fell and broke her arm and leg a few weeks ago).  And worrying about my kids and missing seeing them—Haven't seen them or Rylee since March and don't know when I'll see them next.  And I'm just plain tired.  Tired of all the responsibilities—-paying my bills AND mom's—maintaining 2 houses (in different states), dealing with insurance and medicare and mom's house getting broken into, her cat having to be put down, her health in general, my hubby still working his butt off MORE than 40 hours a week—I want him to retire!!!.  I'm dreading the holidays and they are my FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR!!  I haven't bought the first Christmas gift, nor the first thing to cook on Thanksgiving.  I don't WANT to cook—I'm tired of cooking or figuring out what we're gonna eat everyday, I'm tired of all the school crap (cross-country, choir, grades (they're doing good!), homework, fund-raisers, book fairs, plays, pictures, teacher conferences, PTA—-I've done all this already!!  I'm actually, believe it or not, tired of DOLLS!!!  Wish I hadn't already paid for my oldest grandgirlie and me to go to convention next year–I've totally lost interest.  Village Photos just went belly-up, and I've lost at least 1,000 pix I had stored there.  I'm pissed I didn't back 'em up–just never dreamed they'd go out of business.  I'm too tired to do auctions and get rid of 75% of the dolls I don't want anymore.  I too tired to have a rummage sale, but I need room and $$$!  I'm too tired to meet my sisters and pack up mom's house and put things in storage.  I'm tired of dealing with 6 people going to docs (I've spent 2 days making appointments for everybody.)  2 of the girls need braces; 1 needs to see an orthopedic; one needs to see an ophthalmologist; 3 of us need to see optometrist; 1 needs to see a cardiologist, then my scans, onc visit, annual gyn and mammo, mom's visits to her orthopedic, gastro, kidney, heart and primary docs…… SHIT!!  I'm gonna be running someone somewhere every day from now 'til January!  I'm tired of taking meds every day just to make it thru the day.  I'm tired of taking antidepressants that (obviously!!) aren't working anymore.  I'm tired of the damn phone ringing, and my cat meowing, and fooling with the girls' turtles ('cause they WON'T).   I've become attached to Rocky and CC—who'da ever thunk a stinkin' turtle had a personality???

      Well, I've had my pity party and I don't feel any better.  Gonna take my meds and hit the bed.  Then start all this crap over again in the morning.  Yippee.     

    Viewing 20 reply threads
    • Replies
        BonnieLea
        Participant

          Ah Lisa I feel your pain and frustrations:  You have always taken  on far too much emotional responsibilty.  I cried Buckets when Barbara (GA)  died,  I cried more buckets when Gregory B. died,  I cried buckets when Kurt died, and so on and so on.  When Nic from Oz died, I thought  well, now thats it.  Cannot cry no more.  But of course I will.  taking on raising your granddaughters I never figured out why?  Your daughter is ok now isnt she?

           

          The anxiety we all feel when scan time approaches  is always scary.  With me, its different as I dont get scans for melanoma anynmore, but they never say I am NED as you know from my personal history.  But Lisa, Please just let us both be thankful for whar we do  have, scans or not.

          My Mom chose to move out after me caring for her for nigh on 20 years.  To a place where SHE would be the centre of attention with a dear family friend.  My life is free from that.  I don't  face to face  her but of course keep in close touch by e-mail.  She will be 94 in March and is very grumpy, though not broken bones when she has had bad falls.  more like a rubber baby doll bouncing.

          Take care of yourself first.  My hubby too has been working for the past 43 years without a sick day off.  He gets days off to help me get to all my hobbithalls for appts.  But never been sick.  I wish he would also take a day for himself.  But in his case  no work, no pay.  

           

          Cheer Up.   Tis Christmas and it is the reason for the season.

          Love Bonnie

            BarbieGirl
            Participant

              Bonnie Lea, I love you!!  You've been through soooo much, but yet you always come across as so upbeat, and you always have time to for others.!  I wanna be just like YOU!!

              I hope you get your results soon, my friend.  I know the waiting is rough.

              I wish you and yours a Happy 'American' Thanksgiving (know you've already had yours, but you CAN have 2 Thanksgivings, right?  I mean, EVERY DAY we should have Thanksgiving!!)  There is always so much to be thankful for!!

              And forget Happy Holidays, I'm saying MERRY CHRISTMAS, this year and every year!!  I know you've been a good girl and Santa will be super-duper good to you!! 

              *hugz* my friend!!

              ~Lisa~ 

              BarbieGirl
              Participant

                Bonnie Lea, I love you!!  You've been through soooo much, but yet you always come across as so upbeat, and you always have time to for others.!  I wanna be just like YOU!!

                I hope you get your results soon, my friend.  I know the waiting is rough.

                I wish you and yours a Happy 'American' Thanksgiving (know you've already had yours, but you CAN have 2 Thanksgivings, right?  I mean, EVERY DAY we should have Thanksgiving!!)  There is always so much to be thankful for!!

                And forget Happy Holidays, I'm saying MERRY CHRISTMAS, this year and every year!!  I know you've been a good girl and Santa will be super-duper good to you!! 

                *hugz* my friend!!

                ~Lisa~ 

                BarbieGirl
                Participant

                  Bonnie Lea, I love you!!  You've been through soooo much, but yet you always come across as so upbeat, and you always have time to for others.!  I wanna be just like YOU!!

                  I hope you get your results soon, my friend.  I know the waiting is rough.

                  I wish you and yours a Happy 'American' Thanksgiving (know you've already had yours, but you CAN have 2 Thanksgivings, right?  I mean, EVERY DAY we should have Thanksgiving!!)  There is always so much to be thankful for!!

                  And forget Happy Holidays, I'm saying MERRY CHRISTMAS, this year and every year!!  I know you've been a good girl and Santa will be super-duper good to you!! 

                  *hugz* my friend!!

                  ~Lisa~ 

                BonnieLea
                Participant

                  Ah Lisa I feel your pain and frustrations:  You have always taken  on far too much emotional responsibilty.  I cried Buckets when Barbara (GA)  died,  I cried more buckets when Gregory B. died,  I cried buckets when Kurt died, and so on and so on.  When Nic from Oz died, I thought  well, now thats it.  Cannot cry no more.  But of course I will.  taking on raising your granddaughters I never figured out why?  Your daughter is ok now isnt she?

                   

                  The anxiety we all feel when scan time approaches  is always scary.  With me, its different as I dont get scans for melanoma anynmore, but they never say I am NED as you know from my personal history.  But Lisa, Please just let us both be thankful for whar we do  have, scans or not.

                  My Mom chose to move out after me caring for her for nigh on 20 years.  To a place where SHE would be the centre of attention with a dear family friend.  My life is free from that.  I don't  face to face  her but of course keep in close touch by e-mail.  She will be 94 in March and is very grumpy, though not broken bones when she has had bad falls.  more like a rubber baby doll bouncing.

                  Take care of yourself first.  My hubby too has been working for the past 43 years without a sick day off.  He gets days off to help me get to all my hobbithalls for appts.  But never been sick.  I wish he would also take a day for himself.  But in his case  no work, no pay.  

                   

                  Cheer Up.   Tis Christmas and it is the reason for the season.

                  Love Bonnie

                  BonnieLea
                  Participant

                    Ah Lisa I feel your pain and frustrations:  You have always taken  on far too much emotional responsibilty.  I cried Buckets when Barbara (GA)  died,  I cried more buckets when Gregory B. died,  I cried buckets when Kurt died, and so on and so on.  When Nic from Oz died, I thought  well, now thats it.  Cannot cry no more.  But of course I will.  taking on raising your granddaughters I never figured out why?  Your daughter is ok now isnt she?

                     

                    The anxiety we all feel when scan time approaches  is always scary.  With me, its different as I dont get scans for melanoma anynmore, but they never say I am NED as you know from my personal history.  But Lisa, Please just let us both be thankful for whar we do  have, scans or not.

                    My Mom chose to move out after me caring for her for nigh on 20 years.  To a place where SHE would be the centre of attention with a dear family friend.  My life is free from that.  I don't  face to face  her but of course keep in close touch by e-mail.  She will be 94 in March and is very grumpy, though not broken bones when she has had bad falls.  more like a rubber baby doll bouncing.

                    Take care of yourself first.  My hubby too has been working for the past 43 years without a sick day off.  He gets days off to help me get to all my hobbithalls for appts.  But never been sick.  I wish he would also take a day for himself.  But in his case  no work, no pay.  

                     

                    Cheer Up.   Tis Christmas and it is the reason for the season.

                    Love Bonnie

                    CarolA
                    Participant

                      Dear Lisa,    I hope today (tomorrow) IS another day, a better day for you.    Your life is filled to the brim, absolutely filled.   But I think this time, it is filled not by choice;  and the choices—well, there's hardly room for them, right?    Like your choice to try to do this video, your choice to walk down the Melanoma Memory Lane—not even enough room for what your heart can hold, a heart as big as yours, you find not big enough to carry all that emotional investment you have made.  

                      Stinkin' melanoma.   But wait—there wouldn't be those relationships without it.   What a heartbreaking contradiction in life that we all share.   Shit.   

                      Six plus years for me, skating on stage III thin ice, having had recurrences.   I remember those early years, the lifeline of mental stability to come to this board.   The relationships made through MPIP, and the subsequent heartbreaks, too many (as Bonnie also stated).    I find myself at the point where I don't know if I can invest myself emotionally anymore.   I want to offer advice, but I am skittish.   I don't know how to do just advice, but I try.   And talk about emotional investments:  our children, our parents, our own aging and mortality.   AUGH.   Life.   It is what it is and sometimes it just isn't or doesn't seem very good, and certainly not fair.   Mostly, I hate that this  disease has done this to me and I try to go to a different place, a different road to exclaim the joys.   But our joys are scans that show that we have survived the past six months, a year, and are, at that moment, that day, NED.   No shit, Sherlock, I'm alive, ain't I?  (the ultimate negative outlook, I know!)   Only to look forward to the scanxiety again.   Oh, I know it's negative thinking.   But, you know, this shitty disease can wrap itself around positivity, "think positive"…yeh, yeh, yeh and strangle the heck out of it.

                      I just want you to know, when I see your name: BarbieGirl, it conjures up that original hope, that original feeling of mental stability that I got in the beginning.   Yes, just seeing your name.    Seeing Bonnnie's name, knowing I can still reach out to Carver, and Charlie—-he IS the man, the wise man, seeing names of people who still reach out with hope and advice, people who have lost loved ones, still here offering their help.    It's quite a tapestry of life here, where we take what we want and what we can use.   But it's also a place where our new life order began, with people who know and undertand what we are feeling.  

                      So, Lisa, BarbieGirl, you will continue to be a source of inspiration to me, a light, and I don't want that to be a burden to you.   I want you to know that you can unload anytime you want.   You need to clean out your emotions so you can get back on your steady (YES, steady, haha!) emotional feet to do what you do so well.   A bunch of us are still here—different, changed, on the same road that seems to need a plow to get through sometimes.

                      Love,

                      CarolA-Stage III since Feb 2005

                      Amherst, NY

                        BarbieGirl
                        Participant

                          Carol, you made me cry!  I wouldn't exactly say that the name "Barbie Girl" and "mental stability" go together…… hahaha!!  But yes, I still believe in HOPE!!  There's always HOPE!!

                          I'm feeling much better; just get frustrated at things every now and then. 

                          Lost a friend I grew up with yesterday—-she passed away in her sleep.  Her mom was my 5th grade teacher, and her brother graduated with me.   When I hear of something like this, it makes me feel like a real shit for 'pissin' and moaning', and how my problems are so petty.

                          Thank you for reaching out…. your kind words made such a difference in my attitude!!  YOU are a rock and an inspiration to ME!  I love you!  *Hugz* and Happy Thanksgiving!!

                          ~Lisa~

                          BarbieGirl
                          Participant

                            Carol, you made me cry!  I wouldn't exactly say that the name "Barbie Girl" and "mental stability" go together…… hahaha!!  But yes, I still believe in HOPE!!  There's always HOPE!!

                            I'm feeling much better; just get frustrated at things every now and then. 

                            Lost a friend I grew up with yesterday—-she passed away in her sleep.  Her mom was my 5th grade teacher, and her brother graduated with me.   When I hear of something like this, it makes me feel like a real shit for 'pissin' and moaning', and how my problems are so petty.

                            Thank you for reaching out…. your kind words made such a difference in my attitude!!  YOU are a rock and an inspiration to ME!  I love you!  *Hugz* and Happy Thanksgiving!!

                            ~Lisa~

                            BarbieGirl
                            Participant

                              Carol, you made me cry!  I wouldn't exactly say that the name "Barbie Girl" and "mental stability" go together…… hahaha!!  But yes, I still believe in HOPE!!  There's always HOPE!!

                              I'm feeling much better; just get frustrated at things every now and then. 

                              Lost a friend I grew up with yesterday—-she passed away in her sleep.  Her mom was my 5th grade teacher, and her brother graduated with me.   When I hear of something like this, it makes me feel like a real shit for 'pissin' and moaning', and how my problems are so petty.

                              Thank you for reaching out…. your kind words made such a difference in my attitude!!  YOU are a rock and an inspiration to ME!  I love you!  *Hugz* and Happy Thanksgiving!!

                              ~Lisa~

                            CarolA
                            Participant

                              Dear Lisa,    I hope today (tomorrow) IS another day, a better day for you.    Your life is filled to the brim, absolutely filled.   But I think this time, it is filled not by choice;  and the choices—well, there's hardly room for them, right?    Like your choice to try to do this video, your choice to walk down the Melanoma Memory Lane—not even enough room for what your heart can hold, a heart as big as yours, you find not big enough to carry all that emotional investment you have made.  

                              Stinkin' melanoma.   But wait—there wouldn't be those relationships without it.   What a heartbreaking contradiction in life that we all share.   Shit.   

                              Six plus years for me, skating on stage III thin ice, having had recurrences.   I remember those early years, the lifeline of mental stability to come to this board.   The relationships made through MPIP, and the subsequent heartbreaks, too many (as Bonnie also stated).    I find myself at the point where I don't know if I can invest myself emotionally anymore.   I want to offer advice, but I am skittish.   I don't know how to do just advice, but I try.   And talk about emotional investments:  our children, our parents, our own aging and mortality.   AUGH.   Life.   It is what it is and sometimes it just isn't or doesn't seem very good, and certainly not fair.   Mostly, I hate that this  disease has done this to me and I try to go to a different place, a different road to exclaim the joys.   But our joys are scans that show that we have survived the past six months, a year, and are, at that moment, that day, NED.   No shit, Sherlock, I'm alive, ain't I?  (the ultimate negative outlook, I know!)   Only to look forward to the scanxiety again.   Oh, I know it's negative thinking.   But, you know, this shitty disease can wrap itself around positivity, "think positive"…yeh, yeh, yeh and strangle the heck out of it.

                              I just want you to know, when I see your name: BarbieGirl, it conjures up that original hope, that original feeling of mental stability that I got in the beginning.   Yes, just seeing your name.    Seeing Bonnnie's name, knowing I can still reach out to Carver, and Charlie—-he IS the man, the wise man, seeing names of people who still reach out with hope and advice, people who have lost loved ones, still here offering their help.    It's quite a tapestry of life here, where we take what we want and what we can use.   But it's also a place where our new life order began, with people who know and undertand what we are feeling.  

                              So, Lisa, BarbieGirl, you will continue to be a source of inspiration to me, a light, and I don't want that to be a burden to you.   I want you to know that you can unload anytime you want.   You need to clean out your emotions so you can get back on your steady (YES, steady, haha!) emotional feet to do what you do so well.   A bunch of us are still here—different, changed, on the same road that seems to need a plow to get through sometimes.

                              Love,

                              CarolA-Stage III since Feb 2005

                              Amherst, NY

                              CarolA
                              Participant

                                Dear Lisa,    I hope today (tomorrow) IS another day, a better day for you.    Your life is filled to the brim, absolutely filled.   But I think this time, it is filled not by choice;  and the choices—well, there's hardly room for them, right?    Like your choice to try to do this video, your choice to walk down the Melanoma Memory Lane—not even enough room for what your heart can hold, a heart as big as yours, you find not big enough to carry all that emotional investment you have made.  

                                Stinkin' melanoma.   But wait—there wouldn't be those relationships without it.   What a heartbreaking contradiction in life that we all share.   Shit.   

                                Six plus years for me, skating on stage III thin ice, having had recurrences.   I remember those early years, the lifeline of mental stability to come to this board.   The relationships made through MPIP, and the subsequent heartbreaks, too many (as Bonnie also stated).    I find myself at the point where I don't know if I can invest myself emotionally anymore.   I want to offer advice, but I am skittish.   I don't know how to do just advice, but I try.   And talk about emotional investments:  our children, our parents, our own aging and mortality.   AUGH.   Life.   It is what it is and sometimes it just isn't or doesn't seem very good, and certainly not fair.   Mostly, I hate that this  disease has done this to me and I try to go to a different place, a different road to exclaim the joys.   But our joys are scans that show that we have survived the past six months, a year, and are, at that moment, that day, NED.   No shit, Sherlock, I'm alive, ain't I?  (the ultimate negative outlook, I know!)   Only to look forward to the scanxiety again.   Oh, I know it's negative thinking.   But, you know, this shitty disease can wrap itself around positivity, "think positive"…yeh, yeh, yeh and strangle the heck out of it.

                                I just want you to know, when I see your name: BarbieGirl, it conjures up that original hope, that original feeling of mental stability that I got in the beginning.   Yes, just seeing your name.    Seeing Bonnnie's name, knowing I can still reach out to Carver, and Charlie—-he IS the man, the wise man, seeing names of people who still reach out with hope and advice, people who have lost loved ones, still here offering their help.    It's quite a tapestry of life here, where we take what we want and what we can use.   But it's also a place where our new life order began, with people who know and undertand what we are feeling.  

                                So, Lisa, BarbieGirl, you will continue to be a source of inspiration to me, a light, and I don't want that to be a burden to you.   I want you to know that you can unload anytime you want.   You need to clean out your emotions so you can get back on your steady (YES, steady, haha!) emotional feet to do what you do so well.   A bunch of us are still here—different, changed, on the same road that seems to need a plow to get through sometimes.

                                Love,

                                CarolA-Stage III since Feb 2005

                                Amherst, NY

                                akls
                                Participant

                                  Lisa,

                                  I know I haven't been on the board very long, but I can understand what you are saying and feeling.  I'm sorry you are so down right now.  I hope you start feeling better about things soon.  Scans scare the hell out of me too.  So does all of this…

                                  Take care.

                                  Amy S. in Michigan

                                    BarbieGirl
                                    Participant

                                      Amy, thank you for taking the time to respond—-you're a sweetheart.   It doesn't make a difference if you've been on these boards a day or 20 years, we're all in this together.  Bonds are made that will never be broken, and I appreciate and love you bunches!! 

                                      *Hugz* and Happy Thanksgiving!!

                                      ~Lisa~

                                      BarbieGirl
                                      Participant

                                        Amy, thank you for taking the time to respond—-you're a sweetheart.   It doesn't make a difference if you've been on these boards a day or 20 years, we're all in this together.  Bonds are made that will never be broken, and I appreciate and love you bunches!! 

                                        *Hugz* and Happy Thanksgiving!!

                                        ~Lisa~

                                        BarbieGirl
                                        Participant

                                          Amy, thank you for taking the time to respond—-you're a sweetheart.   It doesn't make a difference if you've been on these boards a day or 20 years, we're all in this together.  Bonds are made that will never be broken, and I appreciate and love you bunches!! 

                                          *Hugz* and Happy Thanksgiving!!

                                          ~Lisa~

                                        akls
                                        Participant

                                          Lisa,

                                          I know I haven't been on the board very long, but I can understand what you are saying and feeling.  I'm sorry you are so down right now.  I hope you start feeling better about things soon.  Scans scare the hell out of me too.  So does all of this…

                                          Take care.

                                          Amy S. in Michigan

                                          akls
                                          Participant

                                            Lisa,

                                            I know I haven't been on the board very long, but I can understand what you are saying and feeling.  I'm sorry you are so down right now.  I hope you start feeling better about things soon.  Scans scare the hell out of me too.  So does all of this…

                                            Take care.

                                            Amy S. in Michigan

                                            GS
                                            Participant

                                              BG–what you need is a visit to SoCal and an In-n-Out burger to soothe your soul!

                                              Chin up my friend.

                                              GS
                                              Participant

                                                BG–what you need is a visit to SoCal and an In-n-Out burger to soothe your soul!

                                                Chin up my friend.

                                                  BarbieGirl
                                                  Participant

                                                    Hey girl… I AM coming out to SoCal next summer for bab's convention!   Gonna be in Orange County!  John's gonna drive out with me and the 3 girls, then he'll fly back home after convention's over!   He wants them to see the Grand Canyon—that's the only reason he's going, I think…..hah!  (Well, other than babysitting the other 2 girlies while Allyssa and I go to convention.)

                                                    Texas now has In-n-Out Burgers!! I haven't been to one yet—they're all a 20-30 minute drive (or more) from me, but they're supposed to be opening one within just a few miles from us!   I can't wait!!  I LOVE that place!!  You're gonna have to teach me how to order….. you know, like the animal or 4×4, etc.  I don't know I&O speak! haha!!

                                                    BarbieGirl
                                                    Participant

                                                      Hey girl… I AM coming out to SoCal next summer for bab's convention!   Gonna be in Orange County!  John's gonna drive out with me and the 3 girls, then he'll fly back home after convention's over!   He wants them to see the Grand Canyon—that's the only reason he's going, I think…..hah!  (Well, other than babysitting the other 2 girlies while Allyssa and I go to convention.)

                                                      Texas now has In-n-Out Burgers!! I haven't been to one yet—they're all a 20-30 minute drive (or more) from me, but they're supposed to be opening one within just a few miles from us!   I can't wait!!  I LOVE that place!!  You're gonna have to teach me how to order….. you know, like the animal or 4×4, etc.  I don't know I&O speak! haha!!

                                                      BarbieGirl
                                                      Participant

                                                        Hey girl… I AM coming out to SoCal next summer for bab's convention!   Gonna be in Orange County!  John's gonna drive out with me and the 3 girls, then he'll fly back home after convention's over!   He wants them to see the Grand Canyon—that's the only reason he's going, I think…..hah!  (Well, other than babysitting the other 2 girlies while Allyssa and I go to convention.)

                                                        Texas now has In-n-Out Burgers!! I haven't been to one yet—they're all a 20-30 minute drive (or more) from me, but they're supposed to be opening one within just a few miles from us!   I can't wait!!  I LOVE that place!!  You're gonna have to teach me how to order….. you know, like the animal or 4×4, etc.  I don't know I&O speak! haha!!

                                                        BarbieGirl
                                                        Participant

                                                          ps…… HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!

                                                          BarbieGirl
                                                          Participant

                                                            ps…… HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!

                                                            BarbieGirl
                                                            Participant

                                                              ps…… HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!

                                                            GS
                                                            Participant

                                                              BG–what you need is a visit to SoCal and an In-n-Out burger to soothe your soul!

                                                              Chin up my friend.

                                                              Nancylee
                                                              Participant

                                                                I am sorry you are having a rough time dear Lisa. You know, this board has helped me in more ways than you can imagion. The biggest was teaching me that life is a cycle and we all live and we all die.  Its been a big help in my own physical issues. I am not afraid to die ( I am not saying I am )  I have tried to teach my family what I learned from all of you.

                                                                Take care..

                                                                PS Kim dying was the hardest ( Charlies girlfriend)

                                                                Nancylee
                                                                Participant

                                                                  I am sorry you are having a rough time dear Lisa. You know, this board has helped me in more ways than you can imagion. The biggest was teaching me that life is a cycle and we all live and we all die.  Its been a big help in my own physical issues. I am not afraid to die ( I am not saying I am )  I have tried to teach my family what I learned from all of you.

                                                                  Take care..

                                                                  PS Kim dying was the hardest ( Charlies girlfriend)

                                                                  Nancylee
                                                                  Participant

                                                                    I am sorry you are having a rough time dear Lisa. You know, this board has helped me in more ways than you can imagion. The biggest was teaching me that life is a cycle and we all live and we all die.  Its been a big help in my own physical issues. I am not afraid to die ( I am not saying I am )  I have tried to teach my family what I learned from all of you.

                                                                    Take care..

                                                                    PS Kim dying was the hardest ( Charlies girlfriend)

                                                                    Shaggy
                                                                    Participant

                                                                      now theres a name i recognise….hows it going lisa….the mad englishman is back after 2 years.still alive and kicking…..and the website has changed

                                                                      Shaggy
                                                                      Participant

                                                                        now theres a name i recognise….hows it going lisa….the mad englishman is back after 2 years.still alive and kicking…..and the website has changed

                                                                        Shaggy
                                                                        Participant

                                                                          now theres a name i recognise….hows it going lisa….the mad englishman is back after 2 years.still alive and kicking…..and the website has changed

                                                                          beldam
                                                                          Participant

                                                                            I was going to post an update on how my partner and I were doing after all these years.  And then thought, well I doubt if I would be remembered anyway.  So I deleted the post and was about to log out when I saw your name.  I am amazed at your strength at being able to still be here through all the heartaches and memories of people.  It seems being apart of this community also gives so much.  Remembered or not, I want to thank you for helping me.  At a horrible dark time when I and my partner were both diagnosed with mm.  Your empathy and kindness really shone through for me.  I probably spent more time at the dark side as It was pretty much all I could handle to take me somewhere else apart from the fear and hospitals.  Yourself, BillMf1, Fountainhead, Eeghads and was it tinarox, Dan and even that smelly old toothless uncle phil  that everyone loved to hate.  Sounds like some old 80's sit-com.   Sorry I might have forgotten or changed some of the names slightly due to mid life senility.  But I know coming here and to the darkside were what got me through.  It wasn't always love and empathy, on the good days it was bickering joking and slinging mud around the monkey cage which was exactly what I needed.  I felt like there was a real hole left when I went looking for  the darkside and found it gone. 

                                                                            So I find myself here again  with some well overdue scans coming up for my partner.   Overdue due to the amazing blessing of the birth of our fist child last year. Now the fear is stronger than ever, we have more than just my partner and I to be strong for now.  

                                                                            I just wanted to tell you that you made a difference to me and I hope you are lifted a little from knowing this.

                                                                            beldam
                                                                            Participant

                                                                              I was going to post an update on how my partner and I were doing after all these years.  And then thought, well I doubt if I would be remembered anyway.  So I deleted the post and was about to log out when I saw your name.  I am amazed at your strength at being able to still be here through all the heartaches and memories of people.  It seems being apart of this community also gives so much.  Remembered or not, I want to thank you for helping me.  At a horrible dark time when I and my partner were both diagnosed with mm.  Your empathy and kindness really shone through for me.  I probably spent more time at the dark side as It was pretty much all I could handle to take me somewhere else apart from the fear and hospitals.  Yourself, BillMf1, Fountainhead, Eeghads and was it tinarox, Dan and even that smelly old toothless uncle phil  that everyone loved to hate.  Sounds like some old 80's sit-com.   Sorry I might have forgotten or changed some of the names slightly due to mid life senility.  But I know coming here and to the darkside were what got me through.  It wasn't always love and empathy, on the good days it was bickering joking and slinging mud around the monkey cage which was exactly what I needed.  I felt like there was a real hole left when I went looking for  the darkside and found it gone. 

                                                                              So I find myself here again  with some well overdue scans coming up for my partner.   Overdue due to the amazing blessing of the birth of our fist child last year. Now the fear is stronger than ever, we have more than just my partner and I to be strong for now.  

                                                                              I just wanted to tell you that you made a difference to me and I hope you are lifted a little from knowing this.

                                                                              beldam
                                                                              Participant

                                                                                I was going to post an update on how my partner and I were doing after all these years.  And then thought, well I doubt if I would be remembered anyway.  So I deleted the post and was about to log out when I saw your name.  I am amazed at your strength at being able to still be here through all the heartaches and memories of people.  It seems being apart of this community also gives so much.  Remembered or not, I want to thank you for helping me.  At a horrible dark time when I and my partner were both diagnosed with mm.  Your empathy and kindness really shone through for me.  I probably spent more time at the dark side as It was pretty much all I could handle to take me somewhere else apart from the fear and hospitals.  Yourself, BillMf1, Fountainhead, Eeghads and was it tinarox, Dan and even that smelly old toothless uncle phil  that everyone loved to hate.  Sounds like some old 80's sit-com.   Sorry I might have forgotten or changed some of the names slightly due to mid life senility.  But I know coming here and to the darkside were what got me through.  It wasn't always love and empathy, on the good days it was bickering joking and slinging mud around the monkey cage which was exactly what I needed.  I felt like there was a real hole left when I went looking for  the darkside and found it gone. 

                                                                                So I find myself here again  with some well overdue scans coming up for my partner.   Overdue due to the amazing blessing of the birth of our fist child last year. Now the fear is stronger than ever, we have more than just my partner and I to be strong for now.  

                                                                                I just wanted to tell you that you made a difference to me and I hope you are lifted a little from knowing this.

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