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Dementia like actions
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Dementia like actions

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Dementia like actions

  • Post
    • June 13, 2017 at 9:35 am
    Shaneswife
    Participant

      This beast has taken over my dear Shane's mind. It's like he's already gone yet I see the shell of his body everyday. His deteriorating brain is so symptomatic yet somehow his body keeps pushing on. It's becoming more and more difficult to manage Shane's actions. He's begun to wander at night so I'm trying to get a PSW here at night to look after him. Hopefully will have this in place after the hospice physician comes today. Shane wanted to pass at home but there are major safety concerns now with his dementia like symptoms. We have a new grandson due in 3 weeks that will be living with us. And a 3 year old grandson who is here biweekly. I'm scared for the kids. I promised shane I wouldn't put him in a hospice the last night he was mentally with us. But that is becoming more of a reality everyday. My heart is shattered to see the love of my life gone before my very eyes and yet his body is still here. 

      I heard a nurse say he had 42 brain tumors over 1cm. How does a brain even fit in there with that many tumors. And keep his body functioning?

      I've been up all night chasing shane around and trying to herd him back to bed. I'm so exhausted that I don't know how I'm gonna continue to do this. 

       

      Janis

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    • Replies
        • June 13, 2017 at 4:04 pm
        marta010
        Participant

          Janis – I'm so sorry for the suffering you and Shane are enduring.  You need to act in the best interest of his safety and well being.  Do not feel that you are doing the wrong thing by ensuring his safety, whetner it be at home or not.  Sending hugs and wishing you and Shane peace.

          Ann

          • June 13, 2017 at 4:39 pm
          Patrisa
          Participant

            Oh Janis,

            since this whole ordeal you really can't catch a break, I am so sorry you have to go through this, Shane too of course… There are no words to comfort you, I know, but know that we are here, thinking and praying for you, you are not alone, even if it feels lonely as h…

            I pray for Shane to be as comfortable as possible and for you to stay calm and accept this for what it is…unfortunately…

            As for Shanes wish, I really hope you find a way to honor it, if not, please don't feel like you let him down, he would not want to be a threat to you or your kids, grandkids…

            Love,

            Patrisa

            • June 13, 2017 at 5:01 pm
            miaka618
            Participant
              Janis, I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you. I know if you are unable to honor his wishes, he will understand and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Your circumstances are not the same as they were when he made the request.
              I wish you all the best.
              • June 13, 2017 at 7:19 pm
              Shaneswife
              Participant

                I am having to admit Shane to hospice. I'm so broken inside over it. I'm waiting for a call back as they are looking for a bed for him and have labeled him as critical so hopefully he can get a bed today. He can barely speak and hasn't gotten out of bed all day. I'm waiting for psw's to arrive to assist in cleaning him up before he leaves. I can't believe that the day has come. 

                 

                Janis

                • June 13, 2017 at 8:57 pm
                triciad
                Participant

                  Janis,

                  I am so sorry to hear about Shane's condition.  My father has Alzheimer's disease. We ran into a similar situation with wandering.  I spoke to the Alzheimer's association regarding his getting up at night and safety concerns; he is very unstable and needs someone to walk behind him in his walker.  They told me to remove his bed and put the mattress on the floor.  He cannot get up from being on the ground.  It works like a charm!  He does not have the strength to get up from being so low; therefore, he goes back to sleep.

                  You and Shane will remain in my prayers.  You are an amazing woman, and he is so lucky to have such a caretaker!

                  God bless,

                  Tricia

                  • June 13, 2017 at 9:30 pm
                  sister of patient
                  Participant

                    Ah Janis … there just aren't any words but to say we can and do share your heartbreak!! It's my own belief tho that there's a part of our consciousness, deep as it may be, that is always aware of what is happening to our physical selves and I think if you keep talking to your beloved Shane and telling him that the things being done are because you all love him so much, you need and want to keep him safe and comfortable, on a certain level, he will understand. 

                    Barb

                    • June 13, 2017 at 9:42 pm
                    Ridingaroundwith27Jennifers
                    Participant

                      Janis,  

                      Please don't feel bad about hospice.  You have given everything you possibly could have.  It is OK to take care of yourself.  My mother acted as full time caregiver for my father and we almost lost her because of this. Shane will understand even if he can't tell you this.  He wouldn't want you under so much stress.  Please take care.  Wishing you both good thoughts.

                      Jennifer

                      • June 13, 2017 at 10:55 pm
                      AliCat61
                      Participant

                        My heart is breaking for you. I pray that God will wrap you in his love and give you the peace that only He can. 

                        • June 14, 2017 at 12:23 am
                        mooseman1824
                        Participant

                          I pray that Shane will no longer feel any pain. I also pray that God will give you peace, comfort, and rest. 

                            • June 14, 2017 at 2:07 pm
                            vivian
                            Participant

                              Janis, some years ago we made a similar promise to our mom, not knowing at the time what we were facing.  Finally, however, we had to move her

                              to inpatient hospice because we couldn't control her pain at home.  From the moment she arrived there, she was amazingly at peace.  It seemed an incredible gift to her and to us.  I hope the same is true for you and Shane.  

                              Lear

                            • June 14, 2017 at 2:38 pm
                            casagrayson
                            Participant

                              Janis, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.  I went through this somewhat with my dad.  He couldn't wander, but he was awake and agitated for over 48 hours at a time.  It is so very exhausting for the caregiver. Shane didn't know when he asked you that he would be a danger to himself and to your family, so please don't feel bad about not honoring what he thought he would want.  He will be safe and calm at the hospice, and you both can rest.  

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