Death and Courage

One definition of  wisdom is "the comprehension of what is true coupled with optimum judgment as to action." Using this, or probably any other definition, you are truly a wise woman. Thank you for your courageous post.

I am not a melanoma patient so I will step back and let the patients respond here. But it is not true that there is not a single person in your life that you can talk to about death. If you are willing to accept a "virual" friend, I'm here. Email me from my profile any and every time you feel like it. The several issues you raised here are too important and too universal to keep to yourself. 

One definition of  wisdom is "the comprehension of what is true coupled with optimum judgment as to action." Using this, or probably any other definition, you are truly a wise woman. Thank you for your courageous post.

I am not a melanoma patient so I will step back and let the patients respond here. But it is not true that there is not a single person in your life that you can talk to about death. If you are willing to accept a "virual" friend, I'm here. Email me from my profile any and every time you feel like it. The several issues you raised here are too important and too universal to keep to yourself. 

One definition of  wisdom is "the comprehension of what is true coupled with optimum judgment as to action." Using this, or probably any other definition, you are truly a wise woman. Thank you for your courageous post.

I am not a melanoma patient so I will step back and let the patients respond here. But it is not true that there is not a single person in your life that you can talk to about death. If you are willing to accept a "virual" friend, I'm here. Email me from my profile any and every time you feel like it. The several issues you raised here are too important and too universal to keep to yourself. 

Hi-

I have to agree that most people don't want to discuss death… I know when I was diagnosed, death wasn't a topic that anyone would breach though I was convinced I was dead. It consumed me and I realized that I was afraid of dying. I'm 40 years old…a young wife, 2 small kids….a lifetime to live. My family & friends wouldn't hear it and I couldn't hear anyone telling me I have life left to live. Given my situation I just thought the worst….metatstatic melanoma=death. I couldn't hear my oncologist say it may be a dermal primary….no primary on epidermis, clear PET/CT scan, my SLNB is clear after having that damn pea sized melanoma in my cheek for close to 18 months. This was April/May2011.

Fast forward to today. Almost 2 weeks ago I had my "2 year scan"…NED. My onc says lets quit the CT scans. Not sure I like that. I continually wait for the proverbial "shoe to drop". So for 2 years I have thought about life, death, my faith etc… and thankfully I have one friend who I grew up with who will talk to me. No one else wants to discuss any of it. This is what I have come away with….I'm not afraid of death….I'm afraid of what it means….absolute finality. I can't touch or feel my kids…my wife….what happens to them….who protects them? At almost 42 years old now…..you don't want to say goodbye. I think about when my grandfather passed….he could have played it out another 6 months to a year. He didn't want to…he was ready….he wanted to go see his wife. I was devastated and didn't want to say goodbye….he was ready. I guess my point is, I pray that we could all go when "we're ready", unfortunately we won't all have that option. I think I have a better understanding of how to manage my emotions. I understand what you're saying and many of us can relate….some probably better than others. We're not all bulit the same and I appreciate the perspectives I get here. I am by far not the most positive person…hell I didn't leave my bedroom for April 2011 until July2011 and that was limited. I stopeed being the outgoing Dad I had been and my life was affected immensly. I questioned my faith…not necessarily my belief but I'd ask does God intervene….look at our world…look at some of the finest people I have encountered on this site and they are in a horrible predicament…just doesn't make sense. What I've come to realize is that I'm a fighter and I won't quit….I believe that's what is important….courage and grace come in the fight and your willingness to continue to fight. I wish you strength and tell you I'm always here to talk.

Josh

Hi-

I have to agree that most people don't want to discuss death… I know when I was diagnosed, death wasn't a topic that anyone would breach though I was convinced I was dead. It consumed me and I realized that I was afraid of dying. I'm 40 years old…a young wife, 2 small kids….a lifetime to live. My family & friends wouldn't hear it and I couldn't hear anyone telling me I have life left to live. Given my situation I just thought the worst….metatstatic melanoma=death. I couldn't hear my oncologist say it may be a dermal primary….no primary on epidermis, clear PET/CT scan, my SLNB is clear after having that damn pea sized melanoma in my cheek for close to 18 months. This was April/May2011.

Fast forward to today. Almost 2 weeks ago I had my "2 year scan"…NED. My onc says lets quit the CT scans. Not sure I like that. I continually wait for the proverbial "shoe to drop". So for 2 years I have thought about life, death, my faith etc… and thankfully I have one friend who I grew up with who will talk to me. No one else wants to discuss any of it. This is what I have come away with….I'm not afraid of death….I'm afraid of what it means….absolute finality. I can't touch or feel my kids…my wife….what happens to them….who protects them? At almost 42 years old now…..you don't want to say goodbye. I think about when my grandfather passed….he could have played it out another 6 months to a year. He didn't want to…he was ready….he wanted to go see his wife. I was devastated and didn't want to say goodbye….he was ready. I guess my point is, I pray that we could all go when "we're ready", unfortunately we won't all have that option. I think I have a better understanding of how to manage my emotions. I understand what you're saying and many of us can relate….some probably better than others. We're not all bulit the same and I appreciate the perspectives I get here. I am by far not the most positive person…hell I didn't leave my bedroom for April 2011 until July2011 and that was limited. I stopeed being the outgoing Dad I had been and my life was affected immensly. I questioned my faith…not necessarily my belief but I'd ask does God intervene….look at our world…look at some of the finest people I have encountered on this site and they are in a horrible predicament…just doesn't make sense. What I've come to realize is that I'm a fighter and I won't quit….I believe that's what is important….courage and grace come in the fight and your willingness to continue to fight. I wish you strength and tell you I'm always here to talk.

Josh

Hi-

I have to agree that most people don't want to discuss death… I know when I was diagnosed, death wasn't a topic that anyone would breach though I was convinced I was dead. It consumed me and I realized that I was afraid of dying. I'm 40 years old…a young wife, 2 small kids….a lifetime to live. My family & friends wouldn't hear it and I couldn't hear anyone telling me I have life left to live. Given my situation I just thought the worst….metatstatic melanoma=death. I couldn't hear my oncologist say it may be a dermal primary….no primary on epidermis, clear PET/CT scan, my SLNB is clear after having that damn pea sized melanoma in my cheek for close to 18 months. This was April/May2011.

Fast forward to today. Almost 2 weeks ago I had my "2 year scan"…NED. My onc says lets quit the CT scans. Not sure I like that. I continually wait for the proverbial "shoe to drop". So for 2 years I have thought about life, death, my faith etc… and thankfully I have one friend who I grew up with who will talk to me. No one else wants to discuss any of it. This is what I have come away with….I'm not afraid of death….I'm afraid of what it means….absolute finality. I can't touch or feel my kids…my wife….what happens to them….who protects them? At almost 42 years old now…..you don't want to say goodbye. I think about when my grandfather passed….he could have played it out another 6 months to a year. He didn't want to…he was ready….he wanted to go see his wife. I was devastated and didn't want to say goodbye….he was ready. I guess my point is, I pray that we could all go when "we're ready", unfortunately we won't all have that option. I think I have a better understanding of how to manage my emotions. I understand what you're saying and many of us can relate….some probably better than others. We're not all bulit the same and I appreciate the perspectives I get here. I am by far not the most positive person…hell I didn't leave my bedroom for April 2011 until July2011 and that was limited. I stopeed being the outgoing Dad I had been and my life was affected immensly. I questioned my faith…not necessarily my belief but I'd ask does God intervene….look at our world…look at some of the finest people I have encountered on this site and they are in a horrible predicament…just doesn't make sense. What I've come to realize is that I'm a fighter and I won't quit….I believe that's what is important….courage and grace come in the fight and your willingness to continue to fight. I wish you strength and tell you I'm always here to talk.

Josh

I can empathise, completely. Though I've only been recently diagnosed as 3C, it has definitely got me thinking about things. I don't really have a "bucket list", as I've been fortunate enough to be able to pursue everything I've ever wanted.From oyster fishing, to mountain bike racing, and many, many other pursuits. I know that I could live 30 years, and that would be the best outcome, and I will keep myself as healthy as possible , towards that end. But, I've also seen how quickly and unexpectedly things can go south. I'm trying to ease my girlfriend into thoughts of planning, while still staying positive. We've always lived for today, and loved it. I'm pissed about the diagnosis I've received. 

I can empathise, completely. Though I've only been recently diagnosed as 3C, it has definitely got me thinking about things. I don't really have a "bucket list", as I've been fortunate enough to be able to pursue everything I've ever wanted.From oyster fishing, to mountain bike racing, and many, many other pursuits. I know that I could live 30 years, and that would be the best outcome, and I will keep myself as healthy as possible , towards that end. But, I've also seen how quickly and unexpectedly things can go south. I'm trying to ease my girlfriend into thoughts of planning, while still staying positive. We've always lived for today, and loved it. I'm pissed about the diagnosis I've received. 

I can empathise, completely. Though I've only been recently diagnosed as 3C, it has definitely got me thinking about things. I don't really have a "bucket list", as I've been fortunate enough to be able to pursue everything I've ever wanted.From oyster fishing, to mountain bike racing, and many, many other pursuits. I know that I could live 30 years, and that would be the best outcome, and I will keep myself as healthy as possible , towards that end. But, I've also seen how quickly and unexpectedly things can go south. I'm trying to ease my girlfriend into thoughts of planning, while still staying positive. We've always lived for today, and loved it. I'm pissed about the diagnosis I've received. 

I think we might be married to the same man!! I talk to friends and if they cry I just carry on and eventually they stop and we really talk. It’s hard for them too. I’m starting a class at the Umass Mindfulness Center…. Hopefully it will help me put things in the right perspective and focus on what I need to at the time. I’m also getting a small tattoo on the inside of my wrist to remind me that I need to fight and to keep a positive attitude whenever possible. Good luck with your treatment. You can email me if you want to talk.
Holly

I think we might be married to the same man!! I talk to friends and if they cry I just carry on and eventually they stop and we really talk. It’s hard for them too. I’m starting a class at the Umass Mindfulness Center…. Hopefully it will help me put things in the right perspective and focus on what I need to at the time. I’m also getting a small tattoo on the inside of my wrist to remind me that I need to fight and to keep a positive attitude whenever possible. Good luck with your treatment. You can email me if you want to talk.
Holly

I think we might be married to the same man!! I talk to friends and if they cry I just carry on and eventually they stop and we really talk. It’s hard for them too. I’m starting a class at the Umass Mindfulness Center…. Hopefully it will help me put things in the right perspective and focus on what I need to at the time. I’m also getting a small tattoo on the inside of my wrist to remind me that I need to fight and to keep a positive attitude whenever possible. Good luck with your treatment. You can email me if you want to talk.
Holly

What a great post.

As far as your family and husband not wanting to "deal" with it, if he is unable to, why not ask a good friend of yours, or your kids if they are adult children.  If you recruit a friend and also print out your final arrangements ahead of time, that will alleviate some of your husbands anxiety.

As far as getting affairs in order, just make an appt. by yourself and bring the papers home for him to sign.  Emotionally he may not be able to deal with death.  Much has to do with how we were brought up regarding death.  If it is something not discussed, or done so with hushed tones, he may be afraid or in denial.

On the otherhand, someone raised with death as the logical continueum of life and not to be feared, usually they are better able to accept and deal with things in a mature fasion.  Your husband may not even want to imagine life without you because it is too scary or hurts.  It doesn't make it right, it just is.

Try to do as much as possible without his help as much as that may pain you.  Enlist the help of a trusted person.  This may be the best option and will allow your family to grieve and still not have to sweat the details when they are overwhelmed as the time comes.  It must be sad and hurtful that your life partner isn't able to work with you in support for this most important time of your life.  Since you can't change him, try to work around him as best you can.

As far as the cleaning, my mom is trying to do the same thing.  Unfortunately it takes time.  My brother and I will have to do it in the future…..

Hugs,

Kim

What a great post.

As far as your family and husband not wanting to "deal" with it, if he is unable to, why not ask a good friend of yours, or your kids if they are adult children.  If you recruit a friend and also print out your final arrangements ahead of time, that will alleviate some of your husbands anxiety.

As far as getting affairs in order, just make an appt. by yourself and bring the papers home for him to sign.  Emotionally he may not be able to deal with death.  Much has to do with how we were brought up regarding death.  If it is something not discussed, or done so with hushed tones, he may be afraid or in denial.

On the otherhand, someone raised with death as the logical continueum of life and not to be feared, usually they are better able to accept and deal with things in a mature fasion.  Your husband may not even want to imagine life without you because it is too scary or hurts.  It doesn't make it right, it just is.

Try to do as much as possible without his help as much as that may pain you.  Enlist the help of a trusted person.  This may be the best option and will allow your family to grieve and still not have to sweat the details when they are overwhelmed as the time comes.  It must be sad and hurtful that your life partner isn't able to work with you in support for this most important time of your life.  Since you can't change him, try to work around him as best you can.

As far as the cleaning, my mom is trying to do the same thing.  Unfortunately it takes time.  My brother and I will have to do it in the future…..

Hugs,

Kim

What a great post.

As far as your family and husband not wanting to "deal" with it, if he is unable to, why not ask a good friend of yours, or your kids if they are adult children.  If you recruit a friend and also print out your final arrangements ahead of time, that will alleviate some of your husbands anxiety.

As far as getting affairs in order, just make an appt. by yourself and bring the papers home for him to sign.  Emotionally he may not be able to deal with death.  Much has to do with how we were brought up regarding death.  If it is something not discussed, or done so with hushed tones, he may be afraid or in denial.

On the otherhand, someone raised with death as the logical continueum of life and not to be feared, usually they are better able to accept and deal with things in a mature fasion.  Your husband may not even want to imagine life without you because it is too scary or hurts.  It doesn't make it right, it just is.

Try to do as much as possible without his help as much as that may pain you.  Enlist the help of a trusted person.  This may be the best option and will allow your family to grieve and still not have to sweat the details when they are overwhelmed as the time comes.  It must be sad and hurtful that your life partner isn't able to work with you in support for this most important time of your life.  Since you can't change him, try to work around him as best you can.

As far as the cleaning, my mom is trying to do the same thing.  Unfortunately it takes time.  My brother and I will have to do it in the future…..

Hugs,

Kim

I'm so glad you can express yourself here. It's important to do so and as you can see, many of us will listen and are here for you. Peace and Love, Michelle

I'm so glad you can express yourself here. It's important to do so and as you can see, many of us will listen and are here for you. Peace and Love, Michelle

I'm so glad you can express yourself here. It's important to do so and as you can see, many of us will listen and are here for you. Peace and Love, Michelle

Such a heartfelt post and something each of us on here has had to come to terms with in one way or another. It can be so difficult to have the balance of not denying the possibility we all face ( and EVERY human faces on every given day) , yet to not dwell there and lose out on the opportunities and blessings of each day we are granted. For me, my husband and I  have really had to have discussions over what the homeschooling of our two youngest could look like if I were not here — or even on the days when I am ill from treatments, etc. We did go pick out cemetery plots together. Once that was done, we concentrated again on living each day. My lack of fear over death is directly affected by my beliefs and faith, so I can't separate the two — but I would not rule out talking with a clergy member even as an unbeliever. They would have much to offer, I would expect, in ways of counsel, advice and a very listening and compassionate ear. And, I would suspect most would be more than comforable to offer their time to listen. One simply must be able to discuss these things outside of their own head. We do not have the "luxury" of pretending we will live here on earth forever. My heart goes out to you in the loneliness of not being able to openly have these conversations and I strongly urge you to find someone you can talk with. Sometimes the people who are easiest to talk with ARE those who are outside of your closest famiyl and friends because those close to you have thier own emotions that can be almost too much to handle, it seems. This is a good place, I think, to find those to whom you can talk freely. Email me if you like, I'd be glad to listen. I wish we could meet up for coffe or tea. 

Tina

Such a heartfelt post and something each of us on here has had to come to terms with in one way or another. It can be so difficult to have the balance of not denying the possibility we all face ( and EVERY human faces on every given day) , yet to not dwell there and lose out on the opportunities and blessings of each day we are granted. For me, my husband and I  have really had to have discussions over what the homeschooling of our two youngest could look like if I were not here — or even on the days when I am ill from treatments, etc. We did go pick out cemetery plots together. Once that was done, we concentrated again on living each day. My lack of fear over death is directly affected by my beliefs and faith, so I can't separate the two — but I would not rule out talking with a clergy member even as an unbeliever. They would have much to offer, I would expect, in ways of counsel, advice and a very listening and compassionate ear. And, I would suspect most would be more than comforable to offer their time to listen. One simply must be able to discuss these things outside of their own head. We do not have the "luxury" of pretending we will live here on earth forever. My heart goes out to you in the loneliness of not being able to openly have these conversations and I strongly urge you to find someone you can talk with. Sometimes the people who are easiest to talk with ARE those who are outside of your closest famiyl and friends because those close to you have thier own emotions that can be almost too much to handle, it seems. This is a good place, I think, to find those to whom you can talk freely. Email me if you like, I'd be glad to listen. I wish we could meet up for coffe or tea. 

Tina

Such a heartfelt post and something each of us on here has had to come to terms with in one way or another. It can be so difficult to have the balance of not denying the possibility we all face ( and EVERY human faces on every given day) , yet to not dwell there and lose out on the opportunities and blessings of each day we are granted. For me, my husband and I  have really had to have discussions over what the homeschooling of our two youngest could look like if I were not here — or even on the days when I am ill from treatments, etc. We did go pick out cemetery plots together. Once that was done, we concentrated again on living each day. My lack of fear over death is directly affected by my beliefs and faith, so I can't separate the two — but I would not rule out talking with a clergy member even as an unbeliever. They would have much to offer, I would expect, in ways of counsel, advice and a very listening and compassionate ear. And, I would suspect most would be more than comforable to offer their time to listen. One simply must be able to discuss these things outside of their own head. We do not have the "luxury" of pretending we will live here on earth forever. My heart goes out to you in the loneliness of not being able to openly have these conversations and I strongly urge you to find someone you can talk with. Sometimes the people who are easiest to talk with ARE those who are outside of your closest famiyl and friends because those close to you have thier own emotions that can be almost too much to handle, it seems. This is a good place, I think, to find those to whom you can talk freely. Email me if you like, I'd be glad to listen. I wish we could meet up for coffe or tea. 

Tina

Well, I am in tears reading this.  When my mother was dying of cancer, not melanoma, I think she wanted to talk to me about it.  But I was too devastated, and didn't encourage her.  Am hoping that my siblings were more helpful, or her siblings.

Now I don't think I will have anyone in the family to talk to if melanoma takes a turn for the worse.  They don't even ask about my health, about a serious chronic condition that I have been coping with for years.  So, I don't tell them about melanoma.  Don't have confidence in the two medical people I have consulted….they didn't agree on what might be a problem beyond the one place that was removed.  And it will be a struggle to get more accurate information.  Not sure what I will do with it anyway.  Already tired of the medical problems I had without melanoma.  So, not sure I can do two difficult  ones at the same time.  What I do know is that being single, I will have no one with their whole concentration on taking care of me, helping to gather information and so on.  This is probably why they say that people with support systems live longer; they prop you up when you falter.  So, I need to look into ways to depart life that are not so fraught–hospice, nurses, etc. and do not depend on family doing a lot for me.

Well, I am in tears reading this.  When my mother was dying of cancer, not melanoma, I think she wanted to talk to me about it.  But I was too devastated, and didn't encourage her.  Am hoping that my siblings were more helpful, or her siblings.

Now I don't think I will have anyone in the family to talk to if melanoma takes a turn for the worse.  They don't even ask about my health, about a serious chronic condition that I have been coping with for years.  So, I don't tell them about melanoma.  Don't have confidence in the two medical people I have consulted….they didn't agree on what might be a problem beyond the one place that was removed.  And it will be a struggle to get more accurate information.  Not sure what I will do with it anyway.  Already tired of the medical problems I had without melanoma.  So, not sure I can do two difficult  ones at the same time.  What I do know is that being single, I will have no one with their whole concentration on taking care of me, helping to gather information and so on.  This is probably why they say that people with support systems live longer; they prop you up when you falter.  So, I need to look into ways to depart life that are not so fraught–hospice, nurses, etc. and do not depend on family doing a lot for me.

Well, I am in tears reading this.  When my mother was dying of cancer, not melanoma, I think she wanted to talk to me about it.  But I was too devastated, and didn't encourage her.  Am hoping that my siblings were more helpful, or her siblings.

Now I don't think I will have anyone in the family to talk to if melanoma takes a turn for the worse.  They don't even ask about my health, about a serious chronic condition that I have been coping with for years.  So, I don't tell them about melanoma.  Don't have confidence in the two medical people I have consulted….they didn't agree on what might be a problem beyond the one place that was removed.  And it will be a struggle to get more accurate information.  Not sure what I will do with it anyway.  Already tired of the medical problems I had without melanoma.  So, not sure I can do two difficult  ones at the same time.  What I do know is that being single, I will have no one with their whole concentration on taking care of me, helping to gather information and so on.  This is probably why they say that people with support systems live longer; they prop you up when you falter.  So, I need to look into ways to depart life that are not so fraught–hospice, nurses, etc. and do not depend on family doing a lot for me.

What a Beautiful Post and I am sure you have helped many who may be afraid to share these very same thoughts.  This board is a wonderful place for these posts. It brings many to share that otherwise would not. 

I believe most men are afraid to deal with anything having to do with a will and the inevitable thought of leaving this planet.  I do recall my ex would not consider talking about these subjects.  I finally convinced him when dx with Melanoma.  i found an attorney and went myself. It was very difficult and yet I knew it had to be done. I wanted to know my children were with loving family members, in the event of.  You can write your own will sign it and  tell him where it is.  He may in time , on his own without your knowledge read it.  That may encourage him to do the same. 

I can recall when initially dx I was petrified of dieing.  All I could think about were my kids and them not having a mother.  It was extremely difficult and as time moved forward and I have been blessed to be herer 18 years later I have become more accepting of leaving my family.  That being said, it was a very long process and I feel I am finally in a good place. However, will I be in the same place if the time should come?  We don't realy know until we have to face it.  I do recall when dx with my brain met, I was very accepting of what may come.  I somehow found peace withitn myself and knew my children had each other for courage and strength.  I am not a religious person, I am very spiritual and somehow eventually it all clicked.

You are an incredibly storng woman and have a beautiful way with words that will also help others.  So many people have replied and I know it helps each and every one. This is a topic that needs to be brought up.  As a patient, I feel it is my responsiblilty to discuss these issues. My one daughter couldn't deal wioth it and I respected that. The other one was incredible. Everyone is different and will react differently . I actually went to a funeral home to make arrangements after my brain met because I did not want my children to have to deal with it. 

Trust in yourself that you will do the right thing when it is time. You are bright, courageous  and filled with so much love. Please know there are many here who will alwasy be here for you. All we can do is ask for strength to help us through these times. 

sending you healing hugs

Love and LIght

Carole K

What a Beautiful Post and I am sure you have helped many who may be afraid to share these very same thoughts.  This board is a wonderful place for these posts. It brings many to share that otherwise would not. 

I believe most men are afraid to deal with anything having to do with a will and the inevitable thought of leaving this planet.  I do recall my ex would not consider talking about these subjects.  I finally convinced him when dx with Melanoma.  i found an attorney and went myself. It was very difficult and yet I knew it had to be done. I wanted to know my children were with loving family members, in the event of.  You can write your own will sign it and  tell him where it is.  He may in time , on his own without your knowledge read it.  That may encourage him to do the same. 

I can recall when initially dx I was petrified of dieing.  All I could think about were my kids and them not having a mother.  It was extremely difficult and as time moved forward and I have been blessed to be herer 18 years later I have become more accepting of leaving my family.  That being said, it was a very long process and I feel I am finally in a good place. However, will I be in the same place if the time should come?  We don't realy know until we have to face it.  I do recall when dx with my brain met, I was very accepting of what may come.  I somehow found peace withitn myself and knew my children had each other for courage and strength.  I am not a religious person, I am very spiritual and somehow eventually it all clicked.

You are an incredibly storng woman and have a beautiful way with words that will also help others.  So many people have replied and I know it helps each and every one. This is a topic that needs to be brought up.  As a patient, I feel it is my responsiblilty to discuss these issues. My one daughter couldn't deal wioth it and I respected that. The other one was incredible. Everyone is different and will react differently . I actually went to a funeral home to make arrangements after my brain met because I did not want my children to have to deal with it. 

Trust in yourself that you will do the right thing when it is time. You are bright, courageous  and filled with so much love. Please know there are many here who will alwasy be here for you. All we can do is ask for strength to help us through these times. 

sending you healing hugs

Love and LIght

Carole K

What a Beautiful Post and I am sure you have helped many who may be afraid to share these very same thoughts.  This board is a wonderful place for these posts. It brings many to share that otherwise would not. 

I believe most men are afraid to deal with anything having to do with a will and the inevitable thought of leaving this planet.  I do recall my ex would not consider talking about these subjects.  I finally convinced him when dx with Melanoma.  i found an attorney and went myself. It was very difficult and yet I knew it had to be done. I wanted to know my children were with loving family members, in the event of.  You can write your own will sign it and  tell him where it is.  He may in time , on his own without your knowledge read it.  That may encourage him to do the same. 

I can recall when initially dx I was petrified of dieing.  All I could think about were my kids and them not having a mother.  It was extremely difficult and as time moved forward and I have been blessed to be herer 18 years later I have become more accepting of leaving my family.  That being said, it was a very long process and I feel I am finally in a good place. However, will I be in the same place if the time should come?  We don't realy know until we have to face it.  I do recall when dx with my brain met, I was very accepting of what may come.  I somehow found peace withitn myself and knew my children had each other for courage and strength.  I am not a religious person, I am very spiritual and somehow eventually it all clicked.

You are an incredibly storng woman and have a beautiful way with words that will also help others.  So many people have replied and I know it helps each and every one. This is a topic that needs to be brought up.  As a patient, I feel it is my responsiblilty to discuss these issues. My one daughter couldn't deal wioth it and I respected that. The other one was incredible. Everyone is different and will react differently . I actually went to a funeral home to make arrangements after my brain met because I did not want my children to have to deal with it. 

Trust in yourself that you will do the right thing when it is time. You are bright, courageous  and filled with so much love. Please know there are many here who will alwasy be here for you. All we can do is ask for strength to help us through these times. 

sending you healing hugs

Love and LIght

Carole K

"More than anything, I'm living in the moment," she said. "I really want Americans and all of us to be less afraid of death. And know that it's a passage. But don't go to the funeral before the day of the funeral." 

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57573415/valerie-harpers-great-gift-to-us/

"More than anything, I'm living in the moment," she said. "I really want Americans and all of us to be less afraid of death. And know that it's a passage. But don't go to the funeral before the day of the funeral." 

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57573415/valerie-harpers-great-gift-to-us/

"More than anything, I'm living in the moment," she said. "I really want Americans and all of us to be less afraid of death. And know that it's a passage. But don't go to the funeral before the day of the funeral." 

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57573415/valerie-harpers-great-gift-to-us/