CT scan postponed – my fault! (long)

Arg – my husband took yet another afternoon off work to drive me to Toronto for my scheduled  CT scan.  But stupid me did not read the prescription for the drugs I needed to take as I am allergic to CT contrast.  I didn't realize that I had to take one of the pills 13 hours in advance.  So after drinking all the barium and driving through rush hour traffic, we simply had to turn around and go home. 

Arg – my husband took yet another afternoon off work to drive me to Toronto for my scheduled  CT scan.  But stupid me did not read the prescription for the drugs I needed to take as I am allergic to CT contrast.  I didn't realize that I had to take one of the pills 13 hours in advance.  So after drinking all the barium and driving through rush hour traffic, we simply had to turn around and go home. 

At first I was really upset and this morning I felt hopeless.  My MRI isn't until the 16th of Jan. and I feel like that is unbearably far away.  I left a tearful message with my Onc. office asking if I could possibly get an earlier date.  I just want to get on the battle plan ASAP.

This afternoon I feel like I have a renewed out-look (although I know my emotions rise and fall per hour).  But truly I feel like I'm going to beat this bastard disease. 

I have a tangible miracle running around my house every day that is a reminder of the fact that I will fight and will win against melanoma. 

Our adopted son is, beyond a doubt, a message from God saying that my long term job is to be his mom.  There are so many crazy circumstances surrounding his adoption that make be believe that God has a good plan for our family.   The fact that he was even born is a miracle in itself.  Here are just a few of the other miracles that took place in our coming together as a family:

We only had to wait 21 days from the end of our home study to the fated phone call about him.  Most other people who adopt through Child and Family Services wait months, if not years. 

We were the only couple considered for this perfect little guy – in CAS it is very common for couples to be interviewing for children they are interested in along with several other couples who are also interested in the same child.

I started praying for him when I was lying on the radiation table for a spot on my axilla in 2008 – that was the exact time he was born (originally his birth mom had planned an abortion)

The day we got the call about him, my mom had prayed that we would hear from CAS – we were only expecting them to say they had received our file and that we were on their list.  Instead they had a child they wanted us to consider.  We met him a week later.  What a meeting!!

The day our son came to live with us was Oct 15  – our tenth anniversary (of being together, we have been married for 6 years). 

I do not have the right to "whoa is me" and give into this scary disease.  I have to fight.  I have to live.  I was commissioned with the crazy wonderful and important role of being the mother to my perfect, miraculous son.   There was no mistake when God decided to bring us together as a family.   Our son could have been adopted into any other wonderful family out there.  We could still be waiting for our adoption – although I believe that if we didn't get our son when we did, we would never have children and I would never be a mom.   I was meant to be his mom!

Thank you so much for the "pick me ups" that I received earlier on this board.  Your strength gives me strength. 

So even though I am still dealing with LDN of the groin and the fearful event of new subq nodes popping up, I am ready for the fight.  I will win.  The battle is on but I am the determined winner.   I'm not going to let this stupid disease get in the way of enjoying Christmas with my beautiful family. 

I know that there are more miracles to come and I hope that your holiday is also filled with miracles and hope.