Brain

DT… BG here, undercover. =)

Ok…. what are you saying…. you've had a stroke?  You're having TIA's that usually precede and are warning signs of a stroke?    Why are your arms purple?  That's a sign they aren't getting enough oxygen.  Have you had your heart checked to make sure there are no blockages or CHF?   I've had you and Jackie on my mind for weeks now, and you don't know how many times I've meant to call, got busy, and then it was too late.

So, spill, guy… what's going on?

Dan, I sooo wish I could bring Nate back… and everybody else we've gotten to know over the last 10+ years that are no longer here.  Hold on tight and cherish the memories (you know, fishing together, smoking weed together, him telling you stories about his girlfriends, etc. )

My friends, Debbie and Frank (you met them at the Dallas Bash—they prepared and brought the food) lost their 13–yr-old son in a freak skateboarding accident.  Debbie went to counselling for months.. maybe a couple of years even.  The BEST ADVICE she got was, that when her mind goes to the bad memories (of him lying in the street, broken leg, not awake, the careflight to the hospital, the brain MRI and the docs coming out and telling them he would be okay, then about 15 minutes later, the docs coming out again and telling them he had passed.  They were worried about head injury, but it was internal injuries that got him—his heart had literally pulled loose, and he bled to death.) to GO SOMEWHERE ELSE IN HER MIND.  This was the advice that helped her most when she thought of the bad stuff, to MAKE her mind go somewhere else.   It took her a long time (he's been gone almost 10 years now), but now when she thinks of him, she thinks of the wonderful memories.  If her mind strays to the 'bad", she makes her mind think about going to the beach, or to Vegas, or to Chicago to visit her family, going camping or on a cruise…. ANYWHERE but dwelling on the bad.

I hope the advice she was given can help you some.  I know you'll never, ever get over the loss of a child–no matter what age they are.  Dan, that's absolutely normal.  I know you are a "man's man", but damnit, Dan, if you need to cry, then CRY!!  If you need to hit something, go out and hit a tree or something (try not to break your hand, okies?)  If you need to vent and holler and scream, CALL ME!   Friend, we had a LONG talk in Vegas not too long after Nate died.  I was so glad I could be there for you, and I wish I could be there for you now. 

Spend lots of quality FUN time with Jackie and Dani and those 2 beautiful, precious grandbabies.  You need to understand things will NEVER be the same, and normal won't be normal—you have a "new" normal you have to accept and get used to.  I love you and Jackie so much, and my heart breaks for you both.  You know what though?  My heart also breaks that you have internalized this to the point if's affecting your own health.

MamaG DID have a stroke after my brother died, and she was sole caregiver for my dad until he passed.  Her health has gone to crap—last year alone, she was in the hospital about a dozen times—had to have arteries 'rotor-rootered" and stents put in; she almost lost her left leg and died because it was "purple" and getting no oxygen; she had to go in several times because she couldn't breathe, she has COPD, Congestive Heart Failure and such a severe spinal curvature that it's all suffocating her, she had a heart attack, and she fell and broke her hip.  My mama doesn't have long on this earth—-she's already lasted longer than ANYONE thought, but it ain't pretty.   She's visiting here right now for a couple of weeks, and she can't breathe.  She has oxygen, inhalers, nebulizers, etc., and it's damn hard to watch her struggling for a breath.  The difference is that she's 83 and Nate was on 28.  When God calls MamaG home, it will be a blessing, and I won't think about what's going on with her now—-I'll remember the good times we've had all my *almost* 50 years.

PLEASE take care of yourself—the rest of your family needs you so much!  The only thing that "kick-started" mom after my brother died?  I had to get really hard with her and tell her, "Mom, dammit, you have FOUR other kids that need you!  (Well, now she only has 3..  #4 is still alive, but after getting caught manipulating/embezzling a LOT of money from her, we don't talk or see each other.)   Jackie also lost a son; Dani lost a brother; those grandkiddos lost an uncle; the world lost a great man, but YOU HAVE TO GO ON, Dan, because life's gonna go on, and again, your family needs you.  And you need them, big guy.  And you need your friends.  I know enough about you to know you are NOT a quitter; you're a 'get-er'done' kinda guy.   That's just one of the reasons I love you!  Another is you're crazy as hell, and so am I, so we get along well.. lol!

Please give Jackie my love, and *Hugz* to you both.  Hang in there DT, hang in and hang on. Gimme a call when you get a chance? 

DT… BG here, undercover. =)

Ok…. what are you saying…. you've had a stroke?  You're having TIA's that usually precede and are warning signs of a stroke?    Why are your arms purple?  That's a sign they aren't getting enough oxygen.  Have you had your heart checked to make sure there are no blockages or CHF?   I've had you and Jackie on my mind for weeks now, and you don't know how many times I've meant to call, got busy, and then it was too late.

So, spill, guy… what's going on?

Dan, I sooo wish I could bring Nate back… and everybody else we've gotten to know over the last 10+ years that are no longer here.  Hold on tight and cherish the memories (you know, fishing together, smoking weed together, him telling you stories about his girlfriends, etc. )

My friends, Debbie and Frank (you met them at the Dallas Bash—they prepared and brought the food) lost their 13–yr-old son in a freak skateboarding accident.  Debbie went to counselling for months.. maybe a couple of years even.  The BEST ADVICE she got was, that when her mind goes to the bad memories (of him lying in the street, broken leg, not awake, the careflight to the hospital, the brain MRI and the docs coming out and telling them he would be okay, then about 15 minutes later, the docs coming out again and telling them he had passed.  They were worried about head injury, but it was internal injuries that got him—his heart had literally pulled loose, and he bled to death.) to GO SOMEWHERE ELSE IN HER MIND.  This was the advice that helped her most when she thought of the bad stuff, to MAKE her mind go somewhere else.   It took her a long time (he's been gone almost 10 years now), but now when she thinks of him, she thinks of the wonderful memories.  If her mind strays to the 'bad", she makes her mind think about going to the beach, or to Vegas, or to Chicago to visit her family, going camping or on a cruise…. ANYWHERE but dwelling on the bad.

I hope the advice she was given can help you some.  I know you'll never, ever get over the loss of a child–no matter what age they are.  Dan, that's absolutely normal.  I know you are a "man's man", but damnit, Dan, if you need to cry, then CRY!!  If you need to hit something, go out and hit a tree or something (try not to break your hand, okies?)  If you need to vent and holler and scream, CALL ME!   Friend, we had a LONG talk in Vegas not too long after Nate died.  I was so glad I could be there for you, and I wish I could be there for you now. 

Spend lots of quality FUN time with Jackie and Dani and those 2 beautiful, precious grandbabies.  You need to understand things will NEVER be the same, and normal won't be normal—you have a "new" normal you have to accept and get used to.  I love you and Jackie so much, and my heart breaks for you both.  You know what though?  My heart also breaks that you have internalized this to the point if's affecting your own health.

MamaG DID have a stroke after my brother died, and she was sole caregiver for my dad until he passed.  Her health has gone to crap—last year alone, she was in the hospital about a dozen times—had to have arteries 'rotor-rootered" and stents put in; she almost lost her left leg and died because it was "purple" and getting no oxygen; she had to go in several times because she couldn't breathe, she has COPD, Congestive Heart Failure and such a severe spinal curvature that it's all suffocating her, she had a heart attack, and she fell and broke her hip.  My mama doesn't have long on this earth—-she's already lasted longer than ANYONE thought, but it ain't pretty.   She's visiting here right now for a couple of weeks, and she can't breathe.  She has oxygen, inhalers, nebulizers, etc., and it's damn hard to watch her struggling for a breath.  The difference is that she's 83 and Nate was on 28.  When God calls MamaG home, it will be a blessing, and I won't think about what's going on with her now—-I'll remember the good times we've had all my *almost* 50 years.

PLEASE take care of yourself—the rest of your family needs you so much!  The only thing that "kick-started" mom after my brother died?  I had to get really hard with her and tell her, "Mom, dammit, you have FOUR other kids that need you!  (Well, now she only has 3..  #4 is still alive, but after getting caught manipulating/embezzling a LOT of money from her, we don't talk or see each other.)   Jackie also lost a son; Dani lost a brother; those grandkiddos lost an uncle; the world lost a great man, but YOU HAVE TO GO ON, Dan, because life's gonna go on, and again, your family needs you.  And you need them, big guy.  And you need your friends.  I know enough about you to know you are NOT a quitter; you're a 'get-er'done' kinda guy.   That's just one of the reasons I love you!  Another is you're crazy as hell, and so am I, so we get along well.. lol!

Please give Jackie my love, and *Hugz* to you both.  Hang in there DT, hang in and hang on. Gimme a call when you get a chance? 

Damn, Dan.  Most here now do not know of Nate, so why not tell them?

Tell them of his struggle and how he made it better for those beyond him.  Tell them how as a father you  mourn the death of your son and tell them how he has made it better for those that follow him.

And yes, tell them how you miss your son., but do not disguise it.  Speak and announce of who he was and what he is as a result of you, his father.

Be proud that he is your son and raise your eyes above of what he was and is and hold him up for others to follow.

And quit bitchin, he is your son, he made you proud, so now it is your turn to make him proud.

I've met you face to face, so look me in th eye and tell me this is not true.

Cheers.

Charlie S

Damn, Dan.  Most here now do not know of Nate, so why not tell them?

Tell them of his struggle and how he made it better for those beyond him.  Tell them how as a father you  mourn the death of your son and tell them how he has made it better for those that follow him.

And yes, tell them how you miss your son., but do not disguise it.  Speak and announce of who he was and what he is as a result of you, his father.

Be proud that he is your son and raise your eyes above of what he was and is and hold him up for others to follow.

And quit bitchin, he is your son, he made you proud, so now it is your turn to make him proud.

I've met you face to face, so look me in th eye and tell me this is not true.

Cheers.

Charlie S

I know Nate is still with you.

I miss you. What is going on?

I'm still here.

dian

I know Nate is still with you.

I miss you. What is going on?

I'm still here.

dian

Hi Dan,

Nate sounds like quite a man! Will you tell those of us who never knew him about him? About the two of you? How long has it been?

Praying for you Dan. See to your own health needs and take care of yourself, please. Someone mentioned you have granddaughters. Mine is 15 months. Tell me about yours, I'd love to hear.

Grace and peace,

Carol

Hi Dan,

Nate sounds like quite a man! Will you tell those of us who never knew him about him? About the two of you? How long has it been?

Praying for you Dan. See to your own health needs and take care of yourself, please. Someone mentioned you have granddaughters. Mine is 15 months. Tell me about yours, I'd love to hear.

Grace and peace,

Carol

I am one of those who do not know who Nate was but would certainly love to hear about him.  If you can and would like to share about him, please know I'm listening, and others too….

Lori

I am one of those who do not know who Nate was but would certainly love to hear about him.  If you can and would like to share about him, please know I'm listening, and others too….

Lori