Any advice about a “last visit”?

I would ask you local hospice to recommend a book on death and dying to help better understand what you will all go through.  Or I'm sure you can just check Amazon.  I book I just finished called "When God Meets Cancer" and it says that one of the most important things a patients wants is for someone to just listen to them.  For instance, don't try to give them false hope or cheer them up if they aren't in the mood.  Use him as your barometer for what he wants if you can still ask him.  What would he like to do?  Talk about?  Is there anything you can do for him? 

I hope this helps.   So sorry your journey is ending this way.

I would ask you local hospice to recommend a book on death and dying to help better understand what you will all go through.  Or I'm sure you can just check Amazon.  I book I just finished called "When God Meets Cancer" and it says that one of the most important things a patients wants is for someone to just listen to them.  For instance, don't try to give them false hope or cheer them up if they aren't in the mood.  Use him as your barometer for what he wants if you can still ask him.  What would he like to do?  Talk about?  Is there anything you can do for him? 

I hope this helps.   So sorry your journey is ending this way.

I would ask you local hospice to recommend a book on death and dying to help better understand what you will all go through.  Or I'm sure you can just check Amazon.  I book I just finished called "When God Meets Cancer" and it says that one of the most important things a patients wants is for someone to just listen to them.  For instance, don't try to give them false hope or cheer them up if they aren't in the mood.  Use him as your barometer for what he wants if you can still ask him.  What would he like to do?  Talk about?  Is there anything you can do for him? 

I hope this helps.   So sorry your journey is ending this way.

I read your post and Colleen's excellent reply on the off topic board. I'm so sorry for you – these are definitely tough times, but your plan is an excellent one.  

When a dear friend of mine was dying our mantra was "We're here now".  It let us talk about the weather, or reminisce, gossip, whatever.  We rarely talked about her death. I followed her lead in this and tried to be sensitive to what she wanted to do.  If you sense your brother wants to talk a little then go for it – I don't think you'll avoid it, but don't focus on that.   Sounds like your parochial school stories would be something to laugh about – and laughing is always good.

Your posts are always very pertinent and sensitive so I think you'll continue to be the support you always have been.  Keeping you both in my prayers.

Fen

I read your post and Colleen's excellent reply on the off topic board. I'm so sorry for you – these are definitely tough times, but your plan is an excellent one.  

When a dear friend of mine was dying our mantra was "We're here now".  It let us talk about the weather, or reminisce, gossip, whatever.  We rarely talked about her death. I followed her lead in this and tried to be sensitive to what she wanted to do.  If you sense your brother wants to talk a little then go for it – I don't think you'll avoid it, but don't focus on that.   Sounds like your parochial school stories would be something to laugh about – and laughing is always good.

Your posts are always very pertinent and sensitive so I think you'll continue to be the support you always have been.  Keeping you both in my prayers.

Fen

I read your post and Colleen's excellent reply on the off topic board. I'm so sorry for you – these are definitely tough times, but your plan is an excellent one.  

When a dear friend of mine was dying our mantra was "We're here now".  It let us talk about the weather, or reminisce, gossip, whatever.  We rarely talked about her death. I followed her lead in this and tried to be sensitive to what she wanted to do.  If you sense your brother wants to talk a little then go for it – I don't think you'll avoid it, but don't focus on that.   Sounds like your parochial school stories would be something to laugh about – and laughing is always good.

Your posts are always very pertinent and sensitive so I think you'll continue to be the support you always have been.  Keeping you both in my prayers.

Fen

I recommend the book "Final Gifts".  It helps you understand the thought process of people in hospice care.  I found it very comforting.

I recommend the book "Final Gifts".  It helps you understand the thought process of people in hospice care.  I found it very comforting.

I recommend the book "Final Gifts".  It helps you understand the thought process of people in hospice care.  I found it very comforting.

The best way for me to answer your question is to share my experience with you.

Two years ago, my Aunt Janet was in the final stages, after battling melanoma for 15 years. All of her children & grandchildren went to say their final goodbyes. I was asked to also participate, so I flew to Florida to visit her. I was very nervous about seeing her, and wondering how I was going to react to seeing her on her "death bed".

Well, I was amazed. As I walked into the room, she turned to me & had the biggest smile on her face! All I could see was the woman I loved dearly. I didn't see any "death or dying", just a woman I had admired, loved & had full respect for.

I enjoyed spending time with her over those 2 days, and had real closure with her. We argued about who love who more, and in the end I told her I'd be fine, and that it was ok for her to go see her parents in heaven. (Her parents – my grandparents- pretty much raised me so we were also very close).

Being able to spend that time with her & her children is an experience I will never forget. I no longer fear saying goodbye to a loved one, and I no longer fear dying myself. It was a beautiful experience for me.

Because of my Aunt, I knew to be watchful of my skin. I have been on "mole patrol" for years. I was diagnosed with stage 1 two years ago, so am fortunate that it was caught early.

My thoughts & prayers are with you as you go to visit your brother.

Cathy

The best way for me to answer your question is to share my experience with you.

Two years ago, my Aunt Janet was in the final stages, after battling melanoma for 15 years. All of her children & grandchildren went to say their final goodbyes. I was asked to also participate, so I flew to Florida to visit her. I was very nervous about seeing her, and wondering how I was going to react to seeing her on her "death bed".

Well, I was amazed. As I walked into the room, she turned to me & had the biggest smile on her face! All I could see was the woman I loved dearly. I didn't see any "death or dying", just a woman I had admired, loved & had full respect for.

I enjoyed spending time with her over those 2 days, and had real closure with her. We argued about who love who more, and in the end I told her I'd be fine, and that it was ok for her to go see her parents in heaven. (Her parents – my grandparents- pretty much raised me so we were also very close).

Being able to spend that time with her & her children is an experience I will never forget. I no longer fear saying goodbye to a loved one, and I no longer fear dying myself. It was a beautiful experience for me.

Because of my Aunt, I knew to be watchful of my skin. I have been on "mole patrol" for years. I was diagnosed with stage 1 two years ago, so am fortunate that it was caught early.

My thoughts & prayers are with you as you go to visit your brother.

Cathy

The best way for me to answer your question is to share my experience with you.

Two years ago, my Aunt Janet was in the final stages, after battling melanoma for 15 years. All of her children & grandchildren went to say their final goodbyes. I was asked to also participate, so I flew to Florida to visit her. I was very nervous about seeing her, and wondering how I was going to react to seeing her on her "death bed".

Well, I was amazed. As I walked into the room, she turned to me & had the biggest smile on her face! All I could see was the woman I loved dearly. I didn't see any "death or dying", just a woman I had admired, loved & had full respect for.

I enjoyed spending time with her over those 2 days, and had real closure with her. We argued about who love who more, and in the end I told her I'd be fine, and that it was ok for her to go see her parents in heaven. (Her parents – my grandparents- pretty much raised me so we were also very close).

Being able to spend that time with her & her children is an experience I will never forget. I no longer fear saying goodbye to a loved one, and I no longer fear dying myself. It was a beautiful experience for me.

Because of my Aunt, I knew to be watchful of my skin. I have been on "mole patrol" for years. I was diagnosed with stage 1 two years ago, so am fortunate that it was caught early.

My thoughts & prayers are with you as you go to visit your brother.

Cathy

POW, I just posted a comment on the off topic forum. 

POW, I just posted a comment on the off topic forum. 

POW, I just posted a comment on the off topic forum. 

POW….my thoughts and prayers are with your brother, you and your family.  As I have observed, you are a very bright woman, therefore, your instincts will guide you through.  God be with you. …

Cielo

POW….my thoughts and prayers are with your brother, you and your family.  As I have observed, you are a very bright woman, therefore, your instincts will guide you through.  God be with you. …

Cielo

POW….my thoughts and prayers are with your brother, you and your family.  As I have observed, you are a very bright woman, therefore, your instincts will guide you through.  God be with you. …

Cielo