› Forums › General Melanoma Community › 2 Years
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TinaR.
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- September 28, 2010 at 5:35 am
Today marks 2 years since my husband passed away. For a number of reasons, I feel an obligation to mark it here, as this board has been a virtual second home for me for a long time. Like any family, there have been squabbles and misunderstandings, but family is family, and like it or not, you're stuck with me.
Time is a funny thing. It goes both fast and slow at the same time. It seems like both ages ago, and just yesterday. Some things I remember clearly, and some things fade away, and too bad I don't get to choose which.
Today marks 2 years since my husband passed away. For a number of reasons, I feel an obligation to mark it here, as this board has been a virtual second home for me for a long time. Like any family, there have been squabbles and misunderstandings, but family is family, and like it or not, you're stuck with me.
Time is a funny thing. It goes both fast and slow at the same time. It seems like both ages ago, and just yesterday. Some things I remember clearly, and some things fade away, and too bad I don't get to choose which.
Grayum was a great guy, and still was sometimes hard to live with. Maybe that's true of any long-term relationship. Some things have been just incredibly hard since he's been gone, and honestly, some things have been easier (oh, I'm so glad he's not having to worry his business through these awful economic times; he would have been miserable, and so would everybody he dealt with, including me, lol! The man was born to worry). I'm truly sorry that he didn't get to see his sons graduate from college, and start grad school, but I can feel his pride every time I look at them.
I was afraid I would be a puddle on the floor today, especially as a couple of big things have happened in the last month or so, but hell, I'm not even drunk! I had to have my dog put down last month. She was a 14 year old golden retreiver mix that he brought home one day, and the best dog I ever was owned by. By god, that was hard. I was also finally able to let go of his truck, and sold it last week. It was the last big part of him to go – funny how inanimate objects can represent a person so clearly. But that truck was purely him, right down to the Uranus symbol on the gate, and the origami crane hanging from the rear-view mirror. He was a man who loved his mixed messages!
There were two things we talked about as ways for him to let me know he was around after he died. One was floating a white feather horizontally, a la John Lennon. The other was to just tap me on the shoulder. Both of these things have happened. So I'm a believer in some kind of afterlife. Sometimes it seems like he still likes to mess with my head, just because he can. I've started dating (!!) and the man I'm seeing just happens to have his birthday on the same day as G's death. 364 other days to choose from, and it has to fall on the same day? WTF? I don't really believe in coincidence, so it's kind of hard to not see his hand in this. Call me crazy if you like – oh wait, I think many of you already have.
So, anyway. In spite of the changes, I'm glad to still have this board. It certainy has a place in my heart (or what passes for my heart, anyway). I would like to ask each of you to hug someone you love today, and remember why you love them. Celebrate love in every way you can.
Thanks.
LV
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- September 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Such a great tribute. Nice words and I am so happy to read you are slowly getting on with being you. My sisterinlaw is at the same time since losing her husband (my dear brother) and each day brings her closer to who she is now meant to be.
take care.
Bonnie Lea
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- September 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Such a great tribute. Nice words and I am so happy to read you are slowly getting on with being you. My sisterinlaw is at the same time since losing her husband (my dear brother) and each day brings her closer to who she is now meant to be.
take care.
Bonnie Lea
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- September 28, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I am very sorry for your loss LV, yet happy to see you are getting on. I always worry about Merry when I first got melanoma, I wanted to break up with her, right from the start I saw myself as someone who would linger on and fight as long as possible-I felt guilty for possibly screwing up a perfectly happy person's life. She is a great woman and a sweetheart, she had her whole life ahead of her-she was 25 when we met I was joking when I said she was eyeballing the neurosurgery resident. We always joke about that crap. The guy she dumped in college is now a neurosurgery resident very smart, but very needy. When I get really sick, I try to think of who would replace me-not that it would be that hard, personally, I think she would be upset at first and then realize her whole life just got a hell of a lot easier. I just want her to find somebody who will take good care of her-but as the saying goes, you can't rule from the grave. I hope your new guy takes good care of you-I'm sure the boys will keep an eye on him. Noone can ever replace Grayum, but you still deserve to be happy, I have an older cousin who got mad when his father (retired in Alabama-now dead) met a new lady at the age of 80) He later said it was the best thing that ever happened-she took great care of him and kept him out of the old folks home, his dad was so busy he never had the time to make him feel sorry for not visiting. Live your life as you see fit. Your post just inspired me to go out and get Merry flowers today, and giver her a big hug-even though since she likes to garden she prefers alive ones-maybe I can get them in a nice pot.
Oh yeah, sorry about your dog, I had a Goldy that lived to be 14 too. her name was Brandy (I know kind of stereotypical, like pepper or Shadow for a black lab, but she was a great dog- got her in the seventh grade, and had to put her down when I was an intern) I think of her everytime I hear this song.
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- September 28, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I am very sorry for your loss LV, yet happy to see you are getting on. I always worry about Merry when I first got melanoma, I wanted to break up with her, right from the start I saw myself as someone who would linger on and fight as long as possible-I felt guilty for possibly screwing up a perfectly happy person's life. She is a great woman and a sweetheart, she had her whole life ahead of her-she was 25 when we met I was joking when I said she was eyeballing the neurosurgery resident. We always joke about that crap. The guy she dumped in college is now a neurosurgery resident very smart, but very needy. When I get really sick, I try to think of who would replace me-not that it would be that hard, personally, I think she would be upset at first and then realize her whole life just got a hell of a lot easier. I just want her to find somebody who will take good care of her-but as the saying goes, you can't rule from the grave. I hope your new guy takes good care of you-I'm sure the boys will keep an eye on him. Noone can ever replace Grayum, but you still deserve to be happy, I have an older cousin who got mad when his father (retired in Alabama-now dead) met a new lady at the age of 80) He later said it was the best thing that ever happened-she took great care of him and kept him out of the old folks home, his dad was so busy he never had the time to make him feel sorry for not visiting. Live your life as you see fit. Your post just inspired me to go out and get Merry flowers today, and giver her a big hug-even though since she likes to garden she prefers alive ones-maybe I can get them in a nice pot.
Oh yeah, sorry about your dog, I had a Goldy that lived to be 14 too. her name was Brandy (I know kind of stereotypical, like pepper or Shadow for a black lab, but she was a great dog- got her in the seventh grade, and had to put her down when I was an intern) I think of her everytime I hear this song.
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- September 29, 2010 at 12:41 pm
LV ~~ a lovely tribute to your husband. I am a believer in those you have loved touching you after they've gone on ahead as I've had the same type of experiences. I hope that you continue to find "touches" and they bring you both comfort and joy.
Your board acquaintance ( who wishes you well).
Roxanne
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- September 29, 2010 at 12:41 pm
LV ~~ a lovely tribute to your husband. I am a believer in those you have loved touching you after they've gone on ahead as I've had the same type of experiences. I hope that you continue to find "touches" and they bring you both comfort and joy.
Your board acquaintance ( who wishes you well).
Roxanne
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