› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Artificially Happy?
- This topic has 27 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 10 months ago by
DeniseK.
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- February 2, 2013 at 12:30 am
October 2012 had WLE and slnb, node positive. November 2012 had surface nodes removed from groin. December 2012 started Interferon thru clinical trial. Had to stop infusions in January because of severe side effects, Doc won't even let me do the shots cuz my body can't handle it. Last scan in December showed 4mm lung spot, have had chronic cough for a month, will rescan in March I think. Just had two more biopsies and very early melanoma, will re excise, no worries.
October 2012 had WLE and slnb, node positive. November 2012 had surface nodes removed from groin. December 2012 started Interferon thru clinical trial. Had to stop infusions in January because of severe side effects, Doc won't even let me do the shots cuz my body can't handle it. Last scan in December showed 4mm lung spot, have had chronic cough for a month, will rescan in March I think. Just had two more biopsies and very early melanoma, will re excise, no worries.
Thing is, I feel better than I have for the past year. My mood has been incredible, I'm exercising regularly at ymca, appetite is great. I'm not even worried about future treatments, surgeries, have even accepted death.
I think I am trying to fool myself. Aside from feeling great I have been organizing everything. Cupboards, closets, paperwork, every thing that can be cleaned or organized I am doing. I guess I'm preparing. I have never really gotten depressed, had crying spells or emotional outbursts since diagnosis. I'm just doing what needs to be done.
Am I not accepting things? Am I falsely happy and is that a bad thing?
I'm wondering if any of you are or have experienced this. Any input is greatly appreciated.
Colleen 3B
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- February 2, 2013 at 1:13 am
Colleen,
First let me say that it is such good news that you are being so positve! Anytime we are dealing with cancer, I think our attitude can make a huge difference in our outcome. I am not a melanoma patient (that is my husband) but I am a breast cancer survivor. I just wanted to give you my thoughts.
Anytime we get a devastating diagnosis (and, let's face it, melanoma definintely fits that category) it's reasonable to assume that some grieving will follow. I'm sure you've heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It sounds to me like you could be in either the first stage or the last. If it's the last — that's great. You are doing what you need to do right now to take care of yourself and your family. If, on the other hand, you are in a little denial, then don't be surprised if down the road you come face to face with the other emotions. You'll get through all of them … but knowing that it is a process can make the transitions easier.
Any kind of happy is GOOD, so keep doing what you are doing!
Hugs,
Susan
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- February 2, 2013 at 1:13 am
Colleen,
First let me say that it is such good news that you are being so positve! Anytime we are dealing with cancer, I think our attitude can make a huge difference in our outcome. I am not a melanoma patient (that is my husband) but I am a breast cancer survivor. I just wanted to give you my thoughts.
Anytime we get a devastating diagnosis (and, let's face it, melanoma definintely fits that category) it's reasonable to assume that some grieving will follow. I'm sure you've heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It sounds to me like you could be in either the first stage or the last. If it's the last — that's great. You are doing what you need to do right now to take care of yourself and your family. If, on the other hand, you are in a little denial, then don't be surprised if down the road you come face to face with the other emotions. You'll get through all of them … but knowing that it is a process can make the transitions easier.
Any kind of happy is GOOD, so keep doing what you are doing!
Hugs,
Susan
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- February 2, 2013 at 1:13 am
Colleen,
First let me say that it is such good news that you are being so positve! Anytime we are dealing with cancer, I think our attitude can make a huge difference in our outcome. I am not a melanoma patient (that is my husband) but I am a breast cancer survivor. I just wanted to give you my thoughts.
Anytime we get a devastating diagnosis (and, let's face it, melanoma definintely fits that category) it's reasonable to assume that some grieving will follow. I'm sure you've heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It sounds to me like you could be in either the first stage or the last. If it's the last — that's great. You are doing what you need to do right now to take care of yourself and your family. If, on the other hand, you are in a little denial, then don't be surprised if down the road you come face to face with the other emotions. You'll get through all of them … but knowing that it is a process can make the transitions easier.
Any kind of happy is GOOD, so keep doing what you are doing!
Hugs,
Susan
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- February 3, 2013 at 10:11 pm
Hi Colleen,
I just want you to know that I relate so much to what you are saying here…only wish I had more of your organizing going on, however, I am a caregiver to my mother, so have that to deal with as well! I think I saw a post from Nancy GM who attributed her stage IV survival success to yoga, vegan diet, flax oil and a good dose of denial! And I quite agree with her and that's how I survive too….I just try to forget I have it! I have the usual depression and anxiety around scan time, surgery or talking about the next treatment as that is when I have to check back in to reality and come to terms with my diagnosis. My oncologist and I have chosen the wait and watch inbetween treatments and surgeries and I do my best with lifestyle changes and enjoying every minute I can with family, pets and friends! I think we've all read enough to know, when you are sick from this disease or treatment, there's not a lot you can do about it then, when you're sick, you're sick! So I don't want to give up any of my well days if I can possibly help it! As far as you questioning yourself……I wouldn't worry about it, I think you are doing all the right things and it's working wonderfully and you should continue. Sometimes I read about others who are only stage 1 who are paralyzed with fear and worry, they are unable to function, perhaps it's the fear of progressing. I started out with a stage IV diagnosis so I have no where to go but back the other way…..I tell others I am working towards stage 1 and hopefully NED too!
Hope this helps Colleen…….I'm happy you're doing so well, don't stop!
Take care,
Swanee
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- February 3, 2013 at 10:11 pm
Hi Colleen,
I just want you to know that I relate so much to what you are saying here…only wish I had more of your organizing going on, however, I am a caregiver to my mother, so have that to deal with as well! I think I saw a post from Nancy GM who attributed her stage IV survival success to yoga, vegan diet, flax oil and a good dose of denial! And I quite agree with her and that's how I survive too….I just try to forget I have it! I have the usual depression and anxiety around scan time, surgery or talking about the next treatment as that is when I have to check back in to reality and come to terms with my diagnosis. My oncologist and I have chosen the wait and watch inbetween treatments and surgeries and I do my best with lifestyle changes and enjoying every minute I can with family, pets and friends! I think we've all read enough to know, when you are sick from this disease or treatment, there's not a lot you can do about it then, when you're sick, you're sick! So I don't want to give up any of my well days if I can possibly help it! As far as you questioning yourself……I wouldn't worry about it, I think you are doing all the right things and it's working wonderfully and you should continue. Sometimes I read about others who are only stage 1 who are paralyzed with fear and worry, they are unable to function, perhaps it's the fear of progressing. I started out with a stage IV diagnosis so I have no where to go but back the other way…..I tell others I am working towards stage 1 and hopefully NED too!
Hope this helps Colleen…….I'm happy you're doing so well, don't stop!
Take care,
Swanee
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- February 3, 2013 at 11:20 pm
Swansea,
Yeah, I think I went to acceptance pretty quick. You should have seen me right after my diagnosis. I prepared my health care directives, made my will out and I actually started to box some things up for who they went to. I went a little nuts for a couple weeks, realized I had already nailed my coffin shut. And yes, I unpacked all the stuff I had boxed up. Got my sanity back and, like you, am dealing with things as they come up.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Colleen
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- February 3, 2013 at 11:20 pm
Swansea,
Yeah, I think I went to acceptance pretty quick. You should have seen me right after my diagnosis. I prepared my health care directives, made my will out and I actually started to box some things up for who they went to. I went a little nuts for a couple weeks, realized I had already nailed my coffin shut. And yes, I unpacked all the stuff I had boxed up. Got my sanity back and, like you, am dealing with things as they come up.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Colleen
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- February 3, 2013 at 11:20 pm
Swansea,
Yeah, I think I went to acceptance pretty quick. You should have seen me right after my diagnosis. I prepared my health care directives, made my will out and I actually started to box some things up for who they went to. I went a little nuts for a couple weeks, realized I had already nailed my coffin shut. And yes, I unpacked all the stuff I had boxed up. Got my sanity back and, like you, am dealing with things as they come up.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Colleen
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- February 3, 2013 at 10:11 pm
Hi Colleen,
I just want you to know that I relate so much to what you are saying here…only wish I had more of your organizing going on, however, I am a caregiver to my mother, so have that to deal with as well! I think I saw a post from Nancy GM who attributed her stage IV survival success to yoga, vegan diet, flax oil and a good dose of denial! And I quite agree with her and that's how I survive too….I just try to forget I have it! I have the usual depression and anxiety around scan time, surgery or talking about the next treatment as that is when I have to check back in to reality and come to terms with my diagnosis. My oncologist and I have chosen the wait and watch inbetween treatments and surgeries and I do my best with lifestyle changes and enjoying every minute I can with family, pets and friends! I think we've all read enough to know, when you are sick from this disease or treatment, there's not a lot you can do about it then, when you're sick, you're sick! So I don't want to give up any of my well days if I can possibly help it! As far as you questioning yourself……I wouldn't worry about it, I think you are doing all the right things and it's working wonderfully and you should continue. Sometimes I read about others who are only stage 1 who are paralyzed with fear and worry, they are unable to function, perhaps it's the fear of progressing. I started out with a stage IV diagnosis so I have no where to go but back the other way…..I tell others I am working towards stage 1 and hopefully NED too!
Hope this helps Colleen…….I'm happy you're doing so well, don't stop!
Take care,
Swanee
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- February 3, 2013 at 10:26 pm
i think that's absolutely what it is with Stage I. . I'm one. . the fear is fear of progressing. . read too many instances of it happening, seems inevitable
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- February 5, 2013 at 11:23 am
Hi Colleen,
I think your positive attitude is admirable. I have had break downs, they’re not for myself though they’re for my loved ones. I have taught my fiance how to pay bills, I too have boxes organized with who gets what. I’ve made videos and wrote letters. Guess its like what pregnancy does when nesting. I don’t want to accept death but I’m ok with it. None of us survive life, this is just my journey. I’m not giving up by acceptance, I’m being prepared which is good to be whether you have cancer or not. My first grandson is due in less then a week and I’m super excited to meet him. This is the cycle of life. ♥
I feel like if you live your life in fear or sadness then your not living.
Keep living Colleen!! ♥♥
Denise -
- February 5, 2013 at 11:23 am
Hi Colleen,
I think your positive attitude is admirable. I have had break downs, they’re not for myself though they’re for my loved ones. I have taught my fiance how to pay bills, I too have boxes organized with who gets what. I’ve made videos and wrote letters. Guess its like what pregnancy does when nesting. I don’t want to accept death but I’m ok with it. None of us survive life, this is just my journey. I’m not giving up by acceptance, I’m being prepared which is good to be whether you have cancer or not. My first grandson is due in less then a week and I’m super excited to meet him. This is the cycle of life. ♥
I feel like if you live your life in fear or sadness then your not living.
Keep living Colleen!! ♥♥
Denise -
- February 5, 2013 at 11:23 am
Hi Colleen,
I think your positive attitude is admirable. I have had break downs, they’re not for myself though they’re for my loved ones. I have taught my fiance how to pay bills, I too have boxes organized with who gets what. I’ve made videos and wrote letters. Guess its like what pregnancy does when nesting. I don’t want to accept death but I’m ok with it. None of us survive life, this is just my journey. I’m not giving up by acceptance, I’m being prepared which is good to be whether you have cancer or not. My first grandson is due in less then a week and I’m super excited to meet him. This is the cycle of life. ♥
I feel like if you live your life in fear or sadness then your not living.
Keep living Colleen!! ♥♥
Denise
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