Just need to vent!
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Just need to vent!

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Just need to vent!

  • Post
    • May 22, 2018 at 12:36 am
    Coragirl
    Participant

    Today, I had a conversation with a friend about what was going on with my husband. I don't understand why people don't know what to say, just say I'm sorry, it sucks anything but you need to get your shit together because your husband is going to die! Wow. Needless to say I will not be speaking with this person anymore. She doesn't know anything! She doesn't know about immunotherapy, or the experience and expertise of my husband's doctors. Of course when she said this to me I just broke down, it is only now that I am thinking of all the things I could have said. I just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you for reading. I am going to go and read about all the amazing survivors on this board now, maybe send her a few. 

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  • Replies
      • May 22, 2018 at 1:32 am
      HeidiZ
      Participant

      Amie sorry, some people can really be insensitive and say some really stupid things.  Believe me I've had my share of people saying some very stupid things to me during my cancer journey. Try and surround yourself with people who are really supportive and encouraging, this has helped me a lot.  I had to disengage from those people who didn't help my emotional well being and it wasn't easy because I still work with them and they still say stupid things but I also have really good supportive people in my life too. I  had my last immunotherapy treatment in August and I'm feeling pretty good. Sending positive vibes to you and your husband.  Take care, HeidiZ 

        • May 22, 2018 at 1:44 am
        Coragirl
        Participant

        TThank you, I am so happy to hear you are feeling great. 

      • May 22, 2018 at 1:42 am
      Johnjk04
      Participant

      Mrs. Amie – no reason to get upset. The treatments will speak for themselves. Everything is going to be alright.

        • May 22, 2018 at 1:46 am
        Coragirl
        Participant

        Thank you, your posts are so zen. You always make me feel better. 

        • May 22, 2018 at 2:16 am
        marta010
        Participant

        Amie – so sorry you didn’t get the support you need!  My husband was diagnosed 6+ years ago with brain mets. Still hanging on, fighting a good fight today….Against all odds!  He is our miracle and your husband will be yours. Tomorrow is a new day – I give thanks for each one that we get through. My husband has watched our son graduate from college, walked our daughter down the aisle at her wedding and will be rocking his first grandchild in a few weeks. Your husband has a fighting chance of celebrating many milestones with you and your family. Keep the faith. 

        Ann

        • May 22, 2018 at 3:12 am
        Coragirl
        Participant

        Congratulations on your grandchild! I love reading about the milestones you and your husband have reached together. Sending love and Prayers to you and your family. Thank you.

      • May 22, 2018 at 2:38 am
      guynamedbilly
      Participant

      That sucks.  I'm guilty of not knowing what to say about these kinds of things, so I usually just say I'm sorry.  You have the right idea though.  She doesn't know much about modern treatments or what's going on with your doctors, in your mind, etc.  I imagine she thought she was giving you some "tough love" kind of advice, mostly based on ignorance..

        • May 22, 2018 at 3:14 am
        Coragirl
        Participant

        I'm sorry is perfect. 

      • May 22, 2018 at 5:45 pm
      tedtell1
      Participant

      Gosh yes….like the person who responded after I told them I have stage IV melanoma: Well that's not bad, it's only skin cancer". 

        • May 22, 2018 at 7:51 pm
        Coragirl
        Participant

        We have had that said to us too, it is amazing how uneducated people are about Melanoma. I suppose it is up to us to educate them. Kindly of course.Hope you are doing well.

      • May 23, 2018 at 1:25 am
      TexMelanomex
      Participant

      Another one of my favorites…."wow, you don't look like you have cancer!" 

      What exactly is that supposed to look like?? 

      Don't sweat people's ignorance, discomfort, or just plain old horrible bedside manner…like others have said, find the positivity where and when you can…it will absolutely make a difference in his fight and yours! This journey gave me incredible gratitude for each day I woke up, and with each day I gained more confidence that I was going to live well and savor the good stuff…big and small. I didn't live in denial, but I did, and still do, live with confidence that I'll fight this bastard with every ounce of strength I can muster and to me that meant winning the battle mentally too. You hang tough Amie and warrior on! 

        • May 23, 2018 at 3:39 am
        Coragirl
        Participant

        Thank you, you always have the right words.

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