Just a little update

I think the hardest thing about living with cancer is the constant unknown.  As a caretaker, at times, I deal with it okay and go about my daily life, and at other times I feel so sad and hopeless.  I feel sorry for myself and wonder why our family has to deal with this disease.   Like all of us, I never wanted to live this life, with worrying about the next path of a cancer cell, I just wanted to enjoy my husband and young children, and plan vacations, and see our daughter's dance recitals, and our son's karate lessons. But, now those things get clouded over, as we have really big worries about cancer coming back, and is that cold that my husband is still suffering from, really just a cold and cough.

I understand everything you said, and I think its great that you came to this Bulletin to vent. What can any of us say, some days are easier than others, I also try to put on a brave front, and I will decorate the house for Christmas even though the old spark is missing.  I get support from family and friends, but it is really my faith that carries me along on those darkest moments.  So, be gentle with yourself when you feel emotionally down and seek whatever works for you during those times.  And, please know that you are not alone, alot of us struggle with the same fears, doubts, and sadness.  I do get needed information from this Board, and believe that there are new and better treatments ahead for melanoma patients. Take care!  Valerie (Phil's Wife)

I think the hardest thing about living with cancer is the constant unknown.  As a caretaker, at times, I deal with it okay and go about my daily life, and at other times I feel so sad and hopeless.  I feel sorry for myself and wonder why our family has to deal with this disease.   Like all of us, I never wanted to live this life, with worrying about the next path of a cancer cell, I just wanted to enjoy my husband and young children, and plan vacations, and see our daughter's dance recitals, and our son's karate lessons. But, now those things get clouded over, as we have really big worries about cancer coming back, and is that cold that my husband is still suffering from, really just a cold and cough.

I understand everything you said, and I think its great that you came to this Bulletin to vent. What can any of us say, some days are easier than others, I also try to put on a brave front, and I will decorate the house for Christmas even though the old spark is missing.  I get support from family and friends, but it is really my faith that carries me along on those darkest moments.  So, be gentle with yourself when you feel emotionally down and seek whatever works for you during those times.  And, please know that you are not alone, alot of us struggle with the same fears, doubts, and sadness.  I do get needed information from this Board, and believe that there are new and better treatments ahead for melanoma patients. Take care!  Valerie (Phil's Wife)

Jaime – I feel EXACTLY the same way.  I could have written this myself.   I am a total stress case and my husband is calm most of the time but he does get scared around scan time.  Melanoma is so emotionally devastating…it is so sneaky – always lurking.  Its just so hard to deal with mentally.  My biggest fear is having to watch my husband suffer.  I just dont think I could take it. But somehow, people make it through with grace and strengh as you said. 

This board is my therapy right now, but I am thinking it would be good to get some kind of professional help. Even though your husband is the one with melanoma, you have also been through a lot and you need to remember to take care of yourself.  It is hard being the caregiver.  It is hard being the patient.  It just sucks…but then I realize we have a deep appreication for one another and life that many people who arent facing cancer, might not have… and that makes me happy.  What also keeps me sane is spreading the word about melanoma and doing fundraising.  I am actually hosting my first event this weekend benefiting MRF in the San Francisco Bay Area and I created a page on Firstgiving for my husband – http://www.firstgiving.com/mikemcauliffe.   

Keep in touch and sending my best to you for calm and peace.

Emily (wife of Mike, stage 3a -15 mos NED)

http://www.emandmichael.com

Jaime – I feel EXACTLY the same way.  I could have written this myself.   I am a total stress case and my husband is calm most of the time but he does get scared around scan time.  Melanoma is so emotionally devastating…it is so sneaky – always lurking.  Its just so hard to deal with mentally.  My biggest fear is having to watch my husband suffer.  I just dont think I could take it. But somehow, people make it through with grace and strengh as you said. 

This board is my therapy right now, but I am thinking it would be good to get some kind of professional help. Even though your husband is the one with melanoma, you have also been through a lot and you need to remember to take care of yourself.  It is hard being the caregiver.  It is hard being the patient.  It just sucks…but then I realize we have a deep appreication for one another and life that many people who arent facing cancer, might not have… and that makes me happy.  What also keeps me sane is spreading the word about melanoma and doing fundraising.  I am actually hosting my first event this weekend benefiting MRF in the San Francisco Bay Area and I created a page on Firstgiving for my husband – http://www.firstgiving.com/mikemcauliffe.   

Keep in touch and sending my best to you for calm and peace.

Emily (wife of Mike, stage 3a -15 mos NED)

http://www.emandmichael.com

 You have just written what I have been thinking almost non-stop since last August when my hubby was diagnosed!  It is so hard to keep up a positive, upbeat facade, but what else can you do?  Of course we have touched upon the what-ifs together a few times, but mostly I keep my worrying to myself.  I guess I feel a little numb because cancer has hit my family so hard (both parents have passed away from cancer, my dad from melanoma) and my father-in-law also has melanoma (had it about 30 years ago, and now they just found 2 small spots on his back).  I guess you can't really dwell on it, we have a 1-yr old that keeps us on our toes and a girl-crazy 14-yr old that we are trying to rein in 🙂  so we have lots of stuff to keep our minds off it, but this week my hubby started interferon so I guess it is hitting me harder this week.  I have found this board to be very helpful, just reading other people's stories and knowing that we are not alone in this whole thing.  Good luck and know that our thoughts are with you. 

Akilyn

 You have just written what I have been thinking almost non-stop since last August when my hubby was diagnosed!  It is so hard to keep up a positive, upbeat facade, but what else can you do?  Of course we have touched upon the what-ifs together a few times, but mostly I keep my worrying to myself.  I guess I feel a little numb because cancer has hit my family so hard (both parents have passed away from cancer, my dad from melanoma) and my father-in-law also has melanoma (had it about 30 years ago, and now they just found 2 small spots on his back).  I guess you can't really dwell on it, we have a 1-yr old that keeps us on our toes and a girl-crazy 14-yr old that we are trying to rein in 🙂  so we have lots of stuff to keep our minds off it, but this week my hubby started interferon so I guess it is hitting me harder this week.  I have found this board to be very helpful, just reading other people's stories and knowing that we are not alone in this whole thing.  Good luck and know that our thoughts are with you. 

Akilyn

You have put into words what many of us caregivers have felt. My husband was diagnosed stage 3 in November of 2008 and there were many a night when I would sit in the basement next to the woodstove (away from the kids and hubby) and just bawl my eyes out.  But, that was 2 years ago…. 2 years that we lived life to the absolute fullest.  It has never been far from our minds, but the "pit in the stomach" fear has been put on a shelf.  There is a chance that he will head into an appointment and we'll get news that we did not expect, but we don't dwell on that as often anymore.  And Dave always makes a point of saying when being asked that he "had" melanoma, not "has".  He is moving on with his life and not letting this get the best of him.  And I, quite frankly, am happy to be right beside him.

You have put into words what many of us caregivers have felt. My husband was diagnosed stage 3 in November of 2008 and there were many a night when I would sit in the basement next to the woodstove (away from the kids and hubby) and just bawl my eyes out.  But, that was 2 years ago…. 2 years that we lived life to the absolute fullest.  It has never been far from our minds, but the "pit in the stomach" fear has been put on a shelf.  There is a chance that he will head into an appointment and we'll get news that we did not expect, but we don't dwell on that as often anymore.  And Dave always makes a point of saying when being asked that he "had" melanoma, not "has".  He is moving on with his life and not letting this get the best of him.  And I, quite frankly, am happy to be right beside him.

I was one of the primary caregivers for my father and since I’m a nurse my family thrust me into the job of going to all his doctor appointments. I wanted to scream, cry, and not get out of bed some days because of overwhelming stress. The hardest part for me was being the strong one for everyone. My father and the rest of my family were in denial the last 6 months and refused to hear what the doctors had to say. All they heard is that they would continue treatments until the end. I didn’t have the heart to squash my father’s hope so I felt it was better not to tell him. When he did realize he was not going to recover he suddenly became scared to be alone because he was afraid of dying. I would break down and cry in the car, shower, or at work, whenever he wasn’t around me. I finally decided that I needed to see a counselor due to my insomnia and I could no longer focus on anything. I was diagnosed with situational depression. I learned that it was ok for me to have those emotions. I know it’s hard, but try to enjoy the good days he has. He appreciates what you are doing for him more than you will ever know. I’ve found that talking about it is the best therapy for me. Regardless of how overwhelmed you may feel, you will never regret taking care of him and it will make your bond stronger. Keep your hopes up, my aunt was diagnosed with Melanoma 8 yrs ago and she is doing well. She has had 5 surgeries to the same area because of recurrence but has continued to follow up with her physician which allows her to catch it early. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I was one of the primary caregivers for my father and since I’m a nurse my family thrust me into the job of going to all his doctor appointments. I wanted to scream, cry, and not get out of bed some days because of overwhelming stress. The hardest part for me was being the strong one for everyone. My father and the rest of my family were in denial the last 6 months and refused to hear what the doctors had to say. All they heard is that they would continue treatments until the end. I didn’t have the heart to squash my father’s hope so I felt it was better not to tell him. When he did realize he was not going to recover he suddenly became scared to be alone because he was afraid of dying. I would break down and cry in the car, shower, or at work, whenever he wasn’t around me. I finally decided that I needed to see a counselor due to my insomnia and I could no longer focus on anything. I was diagnosed with situational depression. I learned that it was ok for me to have those emotions. I know it’s hard, but try to enjoy the good days he has. He appreciates what you are doing for him more than you will ever know. I’ve found that talking about it is the best therapy for me. Regardless of how overwhelmed you may feel, you will never regret taking care of him and it will make your bond stronger. Keep your hopes up, my aunt was diagnosed with Melanoma 8 yrs ago and she is doing well. She has had 5 surgeries to the same area because of recurrence but has continued to follow up with her physician which allows her to catch it early. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Hi  Im so sorry to hear all of your experiences

My hubby just had a biopsy and waiting the results… his mum, aunty, uncle and grandparents have all died from Melanoma and the waiting game is killing me. We just went for a regular skin checkup last Saturday and had a suspicious one removed it was 8mm wide but very deep, the dr said it was down to his fatty tissue and the deepest one that he has cut out?? Is this good, bad or what… I have no idea about any of this but its very scary.

Hi  Im so sorry to hear all of your experiences

My hubby just had a biopsy and waiting the results… his mum, aunty, uncle and grandparents have all died from Melanoma and the waiting game is killing me. We just went for a regular skin checkup last Saturday and had a suspicious one removed it was 8mm wide but very deep, the dr said it was down to his fatty tissue and the deepest one that he has cut out?? Is this good, bad or what… I have no idea about any of this but its very scary.

Good luck and know that our thoughts are with you.